Restaurants, look out. My name is Bobby Black, and I'm the new tattooed food critic for Go-Go. Allow me to introduce myself.

I've been in the tattoo business for over 19 years, half of which was spent touring the US showcasing at various tattoo conventions and high profile shops. The other half was spent in Hawaii where I owned several shops. During that time I took a well-deserved break and became a radio DJ, taking a one-day-a-week show and turning it into a six-day-a-week powerhouse in a number one time slot. Both the extensive tattoo touring and the promotional aspect of being a DJ exposed me to fine and not-so-fine dining around the globe.

After tiring of the constant spotlight of being a DJ, I went back to tattooing for a little while, then was approached about becoming a pro wrestler. This led to three more years of travel and more exposure to fine and not-so-fine dining. And at 6'6" tall and 250 lbs., completely sleeved with tattoos, the dining experiences I find are sometimes less than enjoyable. My job is to take you beyond the kitchen and the decor, and to reveal to you who really employs gracious, competent service, and who staffs their establishment with stuck-up snobs.

I'm a big seafood fan, especially sushi and shellfish, and Italian pleases me if it's done well. Basically, I'll eat anything if there's enough ketchup on it. Well, almost anything...I refuse to eat what I call innards: livers, guts, and brains. Don't try hiding them with French names. I know innards when I see them.

The perfect end to any meal, in my opinion, is tira misu, so you'll automatically get bonus points for carrying that on your dessert menu. I don't drink alcohol, so if you want to know where the good drink specials are, check the Happy Hour column.

Since coming to Denver, I've held the heavyweight championship belt for the Central Wrestling Organization, and graced the covers of Go-Go, The Denver Post and The Denver Rocky Mountain News. I've been seen on channels 2, 4, 7, and 9, heard on KBPI and The Peak, and I'm currently showcasing my tattoo talents at Bonaroo Tattoo in Aurora.

I'm also an ordained minister in the Universal Life Church, a nondenominational organization in town. Basically, this means I get to marry and bury people. I also enjoy designing Web pages in my spare time, although I'm living without a computer at the moment.

So if you're a waiter somewhere, and you see a tall scary-looking guy who could squash you like a bug, treat him well. Not only will you avoid being squashed like a bug, but I might say something nice about you in this very space.

This is the Reverend Bobby Black, and I'll see you next time.