I am a decent-looking guy and yet I can never seem to meet women, or if I meet them I can't get to a date, let alone a casual night of sex. I like to go to bars and dance. Where in this town can I meet someone? And what is it that women like? I'm tired of striking out.

-- Todd

I know that I am only one opinion in a sea of millions, but perhaps my experience and insight will serve as a map through this complex terrain known as the female mind.

I would first like to address the issue of meeting women. As far as where to do it, I can't think of any place that is necessarily wrong. There are single, hot babes just about anywhere you go. The thing you need to focus on is approach. This is where most men fail miserably!

Singles bars are where I have seen the most annoying kind of desperation. There is nothing at all attractive about someone who exudes an "I'm here to get laid" vibe. Don't stare, pant or adjust yourself in front of a woman you think is hot. Also, you have to be able to read a woman's body language. I can't even tell you how many times I have had guys come up to me and not notice that I am turning away, only answering their questions with yes or no and rolling my eyes at their silly lines. These are things that you should be on the alert for! Don't interrupt two girls who are talking and ask one to dance and then when she says no, ask the other. That is as lame as it gets! And finally, if you ask to buy her a drink and she says no, then it is certainly unacceptable to ask, "Then I guess a blow job is out of the question?"

Now, don't despair! There are many things you can do to get a woman to notice you and perhaps even think about dating you. The most important thing is to be real. Don't use cheesy lines, over-flatter or talk about your BMW (or lack of one) when you walk up to her. Just say hello and see if she's responding with more than a quick hi and a turn of the head. Try to get to know her beyond her social labels. Find out about her interests, passions and favorite food before you ask her the stupid and predictable, "So, what do you do?" If it's going well and you want to ask her out, don't say, "I'd love to take you to dinner sometime." Just ask her for her number and tell her you would like to continue your conversation another time. It makes you more intriguing and not so needy looking. Dinner is a third date thing -- it's way too awkward for the first date!

A night of casual sex might be a little more difficult to accomplish, but it can be done. I will admit it's so much harder for a man than a woman. A close girlfriend of mine went up to a guy at a club and said, "So what are the chances of me seeing you naked later?" And, of course, he said, "100%."

I do not recommend this sort of behavior from you or any guy, for that matter, because we live in a double standard world where getting laid is concerned. I will tell you that finding a girl who has had a little too much to drink is sometimes the way to go. Then tell her how unbelievably hot she is. Dance with her and do a lot of grinding and touching. Tell her how hot she is again. Buy her drinks. Tell her about your puppy. I don't care if you have one or not! Or, if you really want results and you're dark-haired, work on your Latin accent and introduce yourself as Sergio! If you are blond, use the name Klaus.

Finally to answer your question about what women like, I polled all my hottest friends and here are a few of the more important things. We like sweet breath, clean bodies without too much cologne, deep and long massages, men who dine (and I am not referring to food), sensitivity without sap, intelligent conversation that doesn't consist of sports statistics and trivia, confidence, a lack of addictions and men who have never had a restraining order against them.

Last year my girlfriend and I made a sex video. It was pretty dirty with all kinds of positions and toys. Well, a couple of months ago we broke up and it was a messy split. She's being mean and vindictive. So here's the problem, I went to get the video out of the basement last night and it's gone! I'm freaking out big time. My face was clearly seen on the film. She could totally get me with this. I now have a new girl who is a lot more conservative and if she catches wind of this I could lose her. What should I do?

-- Peter

You have made so many moronic mistakes I don't even know where to begin! I guess I'll do it by asking you a few questions. These are things you should have thought of long before you got yourself into this pathetic situation!

1. Why did you make a video showing your face?

2. Why on earth would you piss off someone you made a sex video with and not have the damn thing safely hidden away?

3. Why are you concerned with your new girlfriend finding out? Did you tell her you were a virgin? If no, then I hope she's mature enough to understand things like this happen to sexually active dummies.

4. Why are you wasting your time asking me what to do? You should be kissing major ass to get your hot little hands on that tape and destroying it before it ends up on an Internet site lacking the integrity of mine!

Siren Chat is by Stephanie Glenn of sirenonline.com and Ladies En Confidente.