I'm a black male here in Dallas. Well, I'm kinda leery about the size of my penis. I mean, my girlfriend, who's white, took out a ruler and measured it and it was 9" long when hard. When we watch porn flicks, I see the other brothas with these huge massive penises. Am I stupid to be worrying about this or is it something that should concern me. I mean, my current girlfriend says that it's more than enough for her and she's happy but I keep having this feeling of being inept. HELP!

-- Brown Skin Baby

You probably aren't aware of this but I work at a gentlemen's club in Denver that some affectionately call a whack shack. Yes, that's a place where men come in, I dance for them and they rub one out. Being in this bizarre profession for over six years now I can confidently tell you I have seen over 10,000 penises. Do you know what percentage of them is nine inches or more? Maybe 1-2%. Furthermore, there are probably only another 5% who are seven inches or more. So unfortunately, especially for us women, there is roughly another 93% out there with what I would call less than stunning members. Honestly, I would say that a good 50% of them are under five inches. Can you say, "Is it in yet?"

So here you are worried about your impressive nine inches. I say put on a wig, make up and sexy women's lingerie and go work in a whack shack for a week. I guarantee all your self-confidence will return and you will realize just how blessed you are.

Don't let those idiotic movies that you watch get to you. Pornos are out there to show the extreme. I certainly don't look at some bimbo with tits inflated the size of Goodyears and feel inadequate. They search for those people who are the freaks of nature or plastic surgery because they think that's what people want to see. And please don't use those movies as guidance on how to please a woman. Most adult films have absolutely no room for the word clitoris in their scripts.

My ex-boyfriend and I dated for a year. During this year he went on about how much he loved me, wanted to marry me, have kids, and so on. The relationship was very rocky which led me to believe that the relationship would not work out. He also had no ambition or goals which completely worried me. Even though I was truly in love with him I broke up with him. We stopped speaking for a while and he began dating someone else. Three months after our break-up we began seeing each other again and he did everything to assure me that he cared for me and that he was breaking up with his girlfriend. He used the knowledge that I still wanted our relationship to work to keep me around, yet he also secretly kept his girlfriend. It has been a year and I'm fed up with him and his cheating self. I have dismantled whatever relationship we did have but want him to know that he cannot treat women the way he does. His girlfriend still doesn't know anything about me. It is very convenient for him to hide it from her because she is a flight attendant. I feel she deserves that courtesy of knowing. How do you think I should get him back, and let her know without her assuming that I'm lying to get him back?

-- Naomi

Let us pray that you don't want him back. During your letter you have pointed out that he is a liar, cheater and has no goals or ambition, so remember that when he comes whimpering back to you, as they all do when they have been caught. As always, the best revenge is getting on with your life and being happy without him. Yes, it sounds good, but until that moment of enlightenment overcomes you, let's get him!

This letter hits personally because a long time ago I was in a similar situation where a loser was playing me and a flight attendant. It's so easy to do that with a flight attendant because of her continued absences. The funny thing is, when we found out about each other, we became good friends and we both dumped him. It was great, we both lost 200 pounds of dead weight and gained a lifelong friend.

I don't think I would even call it revenge, since what you will be doing by telling her is a service. She needs to know that this loser has been lying to her for the last year. But before you call her up and tell her everything, it's good to have some proof. He may have already warned her that a psycho ex will be calling and making up lies. You know that's what cheating liars do in situations like this.

What kind of proof you ask? Have you saved any sappy messages on your voice-mail from him? Hopefully yes. This is something you always do in a relationship, save everything. What about e-mails? Letters or cards? You need solid evidence and if you don't have any, why not call him up and tape record the conversation? Get him to talk about the last year and ask him how he could keep two women strung along for so long. Ask him if he loved you more than her...that's a sure way to bury him. Ask him about the sex you've had together and get real explicit. Who cares if you look like a sniveling geek, in the end you will ruin his relationship with her and, who knows, maybe she will end up being your friend. You guys already have your lousy taste in men in common.

Siren Chat is by Stephanie Glenn of sirenonline.com and Ladies En Confidente.