The other day a couple of buddies and me where playing flag football when one of them injured himself. He was lying on the ground, complaining of a sharp pain in his lower stomach. I pulled down his sweats to see what he was talking about and to my huge surprise, he was wearing red lacy women's underwear. He was in too much pain to realize that we all saw it. As it turns out, he had a hernia and went into the hospital where all the doctors and staff saw the underwear too. Now I don't know how or really want to face him. I have known this dude for 13 years and had no idea about his kinky behavior. Do you think he's a faggot?

-- Disturbed by Lace

I find it disturbing that you even care. If you have known this guy for 13 years then why would you suddenly question his friendship over his choice in fabric? There is a large population of cross-dressers and most of them are not gay. Reasons behind their fetish are as varied as the colors and softness of their panties. And really, who cares why they do it? If it makes them happy and hurts no one, then all you homophobic jerks should just find something else to do like crashing beer cans against your heads or beating your girlfriends. He's lucky that you don't want to face him again. With friends like you, who needs enemas?

I am a 42-year-old, recently-divorced woman. In the last month I have met three different men. The first one is about my age, attractive and successful. During our second date he told me that he wants me to be his slave! What does this mean? Will he want me to wear a collar? Also I met a 22-year-old who wants me to be his teacher! Not to mention a married one who just wants to get it on. My coworkers tell me to go for it. What do you think?

-- Single Again

I'll give you my advice if you give me whatever it is you are emitting to attract all these men. Let's begin with the man who wants you to be his slave. What this means is that he wants to be in charge. He wants to be dominant and that entails him forcing you to do things that you may or may not like. Most of the time they are sexual, however, some masters will put you to work with housecleaning, cooking, and laundry. Kind of sounds like marriage to me. It is important that the two of you have an open and frank discussion of what he has in mind. This is a necessary conversation, just in case he has sick fantasies that you will never accommodate. You also need to designate a safe word, such as "red", that you can yell out at any time to immediately cease all fantasy play. Other than that, have some fun, surrender and prepare for the sexual and sensual experience of a lifetime.

Next, the young one. This happens to be a favorite of mine because of my immense appreciation of young, trainable boys. It seems to me, guys between the ages of 21 and 26 have more of a lack of fear and bitterness. And they are so eager to please. What I suggest here is that you take some of the lessons the above-mentioned master teaches you, and pass them on to your toy. Most importantly, teach him the proper way to go down on a woman. So many guys are clueless in that department. Also, when you enviably break his heart, teach him how important it is not to take it out on the next 100 women he meets. Try teaching that to a 34-year-old, bitter and cold man who has enough baggage to fill a cargo train.

Well, just remember that she undoubtedly quit fucking him for a reason. Those reasons could range anywhere from body odor to diseases he brought home from other women he cheated on her with. Stay away from that loser!