Volume 2, Issue 16 July 20 - August 2, 2000

Ah, first love. We've all had that one youthful romance that will stay lodged in our hearts forever.

My first crush was on Sean Gerstenberger the boy who lived in the doublewide trailer next to me. He had a mullet haircut, pink Converse high-tops, and checkerboard parachute pants. He was the best breakdancer at my junior high (not to mention the hottest dresser), and I knew someday, if I just prayed hard enough, he would notice me. The spring junior high dance came along, and I practiced the Wave and the Moonwalk in the front yard where I knew Sean could see me. I knew he would be impressed. He would ask me to the dance and we would be crowned King and Queen and we would get married and buy our own doublewide trailer and live happily ever after.

Well, let's just say things didn't turn out like I planned. When Sean's dad dropped him off at the Spring Fling, I wasn't the girl climbing out of the Camaro. It was someone else a girl from the next town over who had bigger breasts and a way-better perm than me.

Joyce Carol Oates's story First Love is also about the bitter disappointment that often accompanies adolescent infatuations. Keep in mind that this is not a light-hearted romance. The phrase A Gothic Tale (‘gothic' as in ‘grotesque' and ‘supernatural') perfectly describes this book, and if you're looking for something freaky and disturbing, you won't be disappointed.

Eleven-year-old Josie and her mother abandon their city life to move to the middle-of-nowhere town of Ransomville. They take up residence with distant relatives the old, ultra-religious dowager Aunt Esther and her nephew, the 25-year-old minister-in-training, Jared. As you probably know, a girl can get a crush on even the strangest of people (think of me and my burning desire for Mr. Mullet-Parachute-Pants), and sometimes proximity to someone of the opposite sex is all it takes to fall in love.

Josie falls for Jared (remember he's over twice her age), and the sick thing is, he begins to exploit her. He involves her in sexual games, most of which center around him cutting and wounding her in secret places. I usually wouldn't want to read a story like this (there's enough depressing stuff on the news every night), but Oates shows how a little girl starved for attention could be compelled to surrender to abuse. Jared is her first love, and even though he hurts her, she can't help but want him in her life.

Moser's illustrations are as equally chilling as Oates's text. Black-and-white etchings depict the world from Josie's point of view. We see snakes with human faces, eerie decapitated dolls, and of course, Jared. Skinny, horrible, handsome Jared. Both Oates's writing and Moser's pictures show how even the ugly and scary can become attractive. Even though Jared abuses Josie, at least he pays attention to her, and in her young mind, that's as much as she needs. Who knows why we love who we love, but even when the outcome is horrible, that first romance is one we'll always remember. B+

Where to Buy it Cheap: Tattered Cover downtown, Bargain Section, $5.