Volume 2, Issue 16 July 20 - August 2, 2000

Okay, girlie-men, it's time for Bobby to show you some real manly-man cuisine out in the wimpy world of the Denver Tech Center. I'm talking about Yia Yia's, as in Ya, Ahnold is God.

At the first sight of rock pillars and high ceilings I knew this was my kind of place. The walls which were padded, yeah I mean padded! made me feel right at home. Euro yada yada, provencial blah blah blah, with ‘70's light fixtures (not neccasaraly boogie-oogie-oogie but ‘70's nonetheless). The booths were big and roomy enough for my massive biceps and triceps to stay ... POMPED UUP.

To drink, I had espresso con panna. It's not hard to mess up espresso, but the real whipped cream was ... HUUGE, so be careful you jelly bellies or you might find yourselves next to me in the gym crying like a little BAABY.

The main course was a Paia Saffron Manchego Basmati Rice with fresh muscles ... almost as HUUGE as my fresh muscles ... sea scallops, shrimp and spanish sausage in a tomato saffrito broth. Huge scallops, tender but firm ... not unlike my BULGING GLUTINOUS MAGNIFICENCE, shrimp roasted to perfection, spanish sausage tender, and the muscles were perfect ... need I say it? The seasoning in the sauce permeated the soft meat inside the shell. They were generous with the basil and the after taste was spicy ... but not too spicy for you girly men, so don't be afraid!

Dessert was tiramisu which came with garnishes to the teeth. Chocolate-covered coffee beans, white and dark chocolate sauce drizzled all about, cookie swirls and a shard of thin chocolate sticking out of the top with some sort of surreal James and the Giant Peach quality. Just enough brandy and esspresso ... to make me giddy as a little GURRL, but not enough to look like a little GURRL, so stop fantasising on your couches.

The service was especially attentive and friendly, partly due to nature of the place but more importantly because ... men want to BE me and women want to be WITH me. The style is toned down Euro Nouveau, built to cater to the upper business class people who have to eat, network and talk to their shrink all at the same time ... while wearing oversized clothing to hide their flabby bodies in the presence of a MANLY MAANN.

There's also valet parking ... for all you girly men who quake at the thought of your pear-shaped bodies walking anywhere but to the fridge. We made reservations at 5 p.m. for 7:15 that night. When we got there, everyone was told 20 to 30 minutes, so no need for reservations I guess. We waited about 20 minutes, which gave me time for a quick cardio session with the less than willing flabby patrons.

My tattoo grade: an interesting piece of art accentuated by MY MASSIVE BICEPS! And my wrestling grade: the crowd was a little slow that night, but they managed to POMP ME UUUP! A-