Movies

Blair Witch 2:
Book of Shadows

First things first. The title "Book of Shadows" means nothing. Bullwinkle's Summer Romance would have been just as relevant to the plot, and everyone's going to call it Blair Witch 2 anyway, so I don't even know why they bothered. But that's just one symptom of the real illness of this movie.

The potential body count has been upped from three to five as a group of intrepid pioneers go on a tour of the sites featured in The Blair Witch Project. It starts out very promising, since the movie's whole premise is a send-up of the hype that made both the success and the backlash against Blair Witch possible. The tour leader is a local who was just released from the insane asylum, and the tour group consists of two students writing a book about Blair Witch (natch), a wiccan (natch), and a goth (natch). The group takes along a whole bunch of video equipment to record every move (natch), then they get drunk and high (natch). They wake up the next morning to discover their camp has been mysteriously trashed (natch), and that one of the students has had a miscarriage (well, that's a new detail).

After a brief hospital stay, the group heads back to the tour leader's house (which, I kid you not, is an old broom factory) to watch the tapes and piece together what happened. The warehouse is wired up with security cameras everywhere, so every move is on tape (natch). Seriously, this whole movie is going from one natch to the next, resulting in a new level of natchiness that even the Scream trilogy can't touch.

The rest of the story involves a whole lot of mass hallucination and camera trickery, so that every plot twist relies on a different version of the old "it was all a dream" device. The last line of the movie is even prompted by this, when a character speaks for the audience by screaming at a video of the events, "That's not what happened! This is all bullshit!" Exactly. Blair Witch 2: 90 minutes of bullshit and thank you for your business. It could have been a decent satire on how we're continuously bamboozled by the Hollywood marketing machine. Too bad that same machine was selling this movie as a horror film, and the scariest thing I saw was a cameo by Kurt Loder.

C- Chris J. Magyar

Requiem for a Dream

Darren Aranofski, the auteur behind Pi, has created a new circle of hell with his drug movie Requiem for a Dream. There are several good reasons to see this movie:

1) It's the first drug movie in a while to depict the horrors and not just the parties of drug use. The editing and cinematography open up the world of the drug-addled brain from behind the eyes, whether the drug is heroin, diet pills, or television.

2) Aranofski is slated to the direct the next Batman film. It's a sure bet that this won't be another over-the-top piece of crap like the last two. It's a good bet that kids will cry.

3) Jennifer Connelly.

4) This is one of the most horrifying films of the year. If you're sick of the slasher and satan crap Hollywood still thinks is scary, give yourself a post-Halloween treat and check this out. Just don't go expecting an enjoyable time; you will be shocked and you will be drained.

B+ Chris J. Magyar

DVD Report

Apocalypse Now

When Saving Private Ryan was released, many touted it as the best war movie ever made. Although the first thirty minutes were gut wrenching, the rest of the film was typical post-E.T. Spielbergian emotional manipulation. You can't award a film the title of "best war movie ever made" based solely on the first thirty minutes.

A better contender for the title, I think, is Apocalypse Now. I watched it, truthfully, because I'd never seen it and I thought I should. It's like reading War and Peace: Nobody likes it, even if they appreciate it, but they read it because they should.

The main appeal of the movie is Kurtz. I'm not a big fan of Marlon Brando. At. All. I can't begin to describe, though, what he brings to his portrayal of Kurtz. When you get down to it, it's not a very big role. I think that all that precedes our introduction to the Colonel would have been for nothing if any other actor had played the role. Amazing since Brando showed up late to the set, not having read either Conrad's book or Coppola's script.

There are very few extras with the disc. The film was originally presented in 70mm without credit sequences. The audience was presented with a printed program containing credits information, which is reproduced here as an extra. There's also the footage from the burning of the Kurtz compound, both with and without Coppola's commentary. When the film was released in 35mm, the footage was used as a background for the closing credits, which some took to be a continuation of the story. It's actually just really cool footage that Coppola tacked on. Interpreting it as the outcome of the narrative completely changes what the director intended. Why he didn't realize this to begin with is quite a mystery.

Lisa McInnis

LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN

This was a standardized test the question would be, "The Rocky Horror Picture Show is to movies as (blank) is to music." The answer? Pink Floyd's Dark Side of the Moon. This year marks the 25th consecutive year that someone will be showing Rocky Horror (RHPS), somewhere, at any given time. The Esquire Theatre will celebrate this tremendous occasion with a special two-night run of midnight showings on October 27 and 28 featuring a live cast-- Colorado's Elusive Ingredient. There will also be music by 4 Head Scream.

RHPS was first released in the U. K. in August of 1975 and a month later was released in the U. S. The film cost approximately $1 million to shoot, and as of 1985--apparently the last date any records were available--had earned over $150 million.

The story of Frank N. Furter, a transvestite from the planet Transexual in the galaxy Transylvania, began as a six-week workshop project at London's Royal Court Experimental Theater Upstairs in June, 1973. Eighteen months and one Best Musical of 1973 Award later, the movie was born to less than rave reviews. In fact, it was panned by the critics and never received wide release. It was only after an ad exec at Fox convinced the owners of the Waverly Theater in Greenwich Village, New York, to play it as a midnight flick starting on April Fools' Day, 1976, that RHPS came into its own.

Soon after, audience participation spontaneously erupted. Louis Farese--and this is no joke-- a kindergarten teacher from Staten Island, is credited as being the first person to talk back to the screen, thus creating the RHPS audience phenomenon. A Halloween showing, complete with costumes, was the next step towards troupes acting out the movie. Add in some lip synching to the record as it was being played before the showing and, voila, history in the making.

The story of RHPS is simple. Young couple gets flat tire in the middle of nowhere and stops at creepy castle for a phone. Creepy castle houses a party in progress for the creation of super-hunk, Rocky Horror, by the evil transvestite scientist, Dr. Furter. He and his gang of humanoid aliens from planet Transexual wreak havoc on the couple. The rest is better experienced rather than read. The film stars Tim Curry, Susan Sarandon, Barry Bostwick and the original show's author, Richard O'Brien. The film was Curry's first and Sarandon's third. Curry, who according to the original production information, "does not in the least mind being associated with such a sexually bizarre character," will no longer publicly discuss the film.

There are fan clubs worldwide for RHPS and the official U. S. organization is run by Sal Piro who has been president since its inception in 1978. He has also seen the film over 1,300 times and authored a book about the film. Membership is free and you receive a card, a button and a copy of the quarterly newsletter.

If you are going to see the film for the first time you are a "virgin." This should not be confused with someone who has seen the film on TV or video. They are known as "video virgins." At some theaters, there are virgin rituals that revolve around two virgins being brought up on stage in front of the audience. If you fall under this category, you may not want to raise your hand when they ask for virgins then again you just might. According to What Every Virgin Should Know, by James Norman, there is one audience participation line you should arm yourself with for your first viewing. Whenever you hear the name Brad Norman you are to yell "asshole." The rest is up to you, the audience and the performers.

--Bryce Edmonds

For more information on this weekend's special showing, contact the Esquire at 303-733-5757.

INSIDE HANNAH HOUSE

Making of A Local Horror Movie

The first time I hung out with Chad and Max Smith, I saw a dead body in a ditch while I was out walking, and I nearly pissed myself. There it was, the skin on its head was rotting off and looked pretty much like wet newspaper. There were large snakes surrounding its bloody torso.

"Holy shit," I said.

I am a little girl I found out; it was only a prop dead body with a head full of jelly.

Chad is making a horror movie. Max is Chad's older brother and partner in crime so to speak. They really worked that prop dead body over; I think they said they had been shooting its head with a shotgun for a more realistic launching effect.

"Max and I, we've been doing movies since we were little." Chad said.

One of their previous projects, Monkey Angel, was an experimental film with elements of science fiction that deals with incest.

"It's about this guy who's being sodomized by his uncle," Max said, "and he goes into this fantasy world."

When Monkey Angel was screened at Antropolis, an art gallery that Chad and Summer Sawyer, his girlfriend, used to own and operate, the response was appropriate.

"We were able to really manipulate people in a negative way ... I kind of believe that art needs to elicit an emotional response, whether it's negative or positive," Chad said about the event. "It was definitely negative, we had some people walking out and it was beautiful."

We were at Summer's parent's project home near Grand Junction when I had my little scare. The cast and crew were making use of the barn onsite, taping some scenes for Hannah House, their current project. Summer is the female lead in the picture. She and about 20 members of the cast and crew were standing outside the barn. The cast and extras were in 19th century-style wool clothes, all sweating in the 80-degree weather, drinking domestic beer, and smoking cigarettes.

After nightfall, there were all sorts of prop rattlesnakes in the loft of the barn on fishing line; there were strobe lights and cast members were playing living-dead.

The movie is about some homesteaders that unwittingly build their home on a rattlesnake bed. The story is based on a little bit of Nebraska folklore. Max and Chad's grandfather used to live a few miles from the real Hannah House. It was well-known legend that at least a few members of each generation living in the Hannah House went insane. Along with all of the regular hardships that homesteaders encountered in that era, this family had to deal with rattlesnakes creeping through the cracks in the walls and floorboards.

It's a story that Chad and Max grew up hearing, and one that they have long wanted to translate into a movie. This is a true independent movie, being shot on digital video, and edited by the brothers and childhood friend Aaron Sloane.

It's a different night a few weeks after our trip to western Colorado, and we are near Chad and Max's home. Chad drove with Summer. I chose to walk with Max.

I was invited to see the movie studio that these two brothers worked hard to construct (about $25,000 worth of equipment). I wasn't expecting the Skywalker Ranch, but just off of a two-lane road in Lakewood, I am being led through trees, tall weeds, and near pitch black by the bikeresque Max.

Mosquitoes are biting, and I swear I hear running water; where the fuck are we?

As we emerge from the bush, I see a rather typical-looking garage.

Inside however: gory-ass charred bodies in the rafters, a sound studio, prop rat-tlesnakes, a collapsible blue-screen, a bitchin' Mac, and a refrigerator full of 11oz. Olympia bottles; my kind of place. Back in the yard, I learn of Max's sixth sense. He can consistently find garter snakes in the dark amongst the knee-high grass. I've never liked the way that holding a garter snake makes your hand smell worse than piss.

"Would you like a scotch?" Max asks, standing proudly in front of his massive single-malt collection "That single malt, it just warms you up all the way down. It burns. That's what I love about it."

That's why scotch. Why horror and gore?

"My dad took me to Alien when I was five." Chad said, "After seeing Alien at five, Disney films just didn't have that same impact on me any more."

Agreed. --Josh Tyson

SHORT TAKES

Aimee and Jaguar. [NR 2h 6m] Just try having a lesbian love affair with a Jew in Nazi Germany. Starring: Juliane Kohler and Maria Scharader. Directed by: Max Farberbock.

Almost Famous [R] Instead of going to summer camp, a young boy goes on tour with a rock band. Starring: Billy Crudup, Kate Hudson, Patrick Fugit, Frances McDormand. Directed by: Cameron Crowe.

Art of War [R] Spy has to fight to survive using special stunts ripped off from The Matrix. Starring: Wesley Snipes, Anne Archer. Directed by: Christian Duguay.

Autumn in New York [PG13 1h 44m] Another ancient flabby man gets a nice piece of ass. Starring: Richard Gere, Winona Ryder. Directed by: Joan Chen.

Big Momma's House [PG-13 1h 45m] Martin Lawrence is a bigger, blacker Mrs. Doubtfire. Starring: Martin Lawrence, Nia Long and Paul Giamatti. Directed by: Raja Gosnell.

Bamboozled [R] Spike Lee tries to make blackface funny. Starring: Damon Wayans, Jada Pinkett Smith, Savion Glover, Tommy Davidson. Directed by: Spike Lee.

Beautiful [PG-13 1h 52m] A spoof on beauty pageants with the Pepsi tyke-- sounds like sure-fire Oscar. Starring: Minnie Driver. Directed by: Sally Field.

Bedazzled [PG-13] Remake involving a sexy devil and dumb geek. Starring: Elizabeth Hurley, Brenden Fraser. Directed by: Harold Ramis.

Bring It On [PG-13 1h 32m] Cheerleaders fight to the death in bikinis! Only without the death. Starring: Kirsten Dunst, Gabrielle Union, Jesse Bradford. Directed by: Peyton Reed.

Butterfly [R 1h 35m] It's one of those foreign movies that starts on the cusp of civil war with an old man and a young boy. Starring: Uxia Blanco, Manuel Lozano, Fernando Fernan Gomez. Directed by: Jose Luis Cuerda

The Cell [R 1h 47m] When you get into a serial killer's head, it's like What Dreams May Come, if that movie was made by Satan. Starring: Jennifer Lopez, Vince Vaughan. Directed by: Tarsem.

Chicken Run [PG 1h 25m] I'll never order my breaded grilled chicken sandwich again without thinking of little hunks of clay with British accents. Starring: Mel Gibson, Julia Sawahla and Miranda Richardson. Directed by: Nick Park and Peter Lord.

Contender [R 2h 6m] A chick wants to be vice-president, but she's had too much sex. Starring: Joan Allen, Gary Oldman. Directed by: Rod Lurie.

Coyote Ugly [PG13 1h 26m] Strippers who don't take off their clothes. Starring: Piper Perabo, Maria Bello, Tyra Banks, John Goodman. Directed by: David McNally.

Dancer in the Dark [R 2h 20m] Bjork goes blind and crazy all at once, but she still sings. Starring: Bjork, Catherine Deneuve, David Morse, Peter Stormare. Directed by: Lars von Trier.

Digimon: The Movie [G 1h 30m] Do they even bother translating these into English anymore? Starring: Bad Drawings. Directed by: Bad Cartoonist.

Dinosaur [PG 1h 22m] The dialogue in this movie is about as good as a super-serious Saved By the Bell episode. Directed by: Eric Leighton and Ralph Zondag.

Dr. T & the Women [R 2h 1m] Richard Gere plays a gynecologist É insert hamster joke here. Starring: Richard Gere, Helen Hunt, Liv Tyler. Directed by: Robert Altman.

Duets [R 1h 52m] Love won't bring us together, but karaoke will. Starring: Gwyneth Paltrow, Huey Lewis. Directed by: Bruce Paltrow.

The Exorcist-- The Version You've Never Seen [R] Don't be fooled by the long title-- it's just the original with eleven more minutes added on. Starring: Linda Blair. Directed by: William Friedkin.

Fantasia 2000 [G 1h 15m] Dancing flamingos, Noah's duck, flying whales, and other fun things to watch on acid. Starring: James Earl Jones, Quincy Jones and Angela Lansbury. Directed by: James Algar.

Get Carter [R 2h 27m] Remake of the classic British heist movie starringÉ wellÉ Starring: Sylvester Stallone, Michael Caine, Rachael Leigh Cook, Alan Cumming. Directed by: Stephen Kay.

Girl on the Bridge [R 1h 30m] French love stories go over so much better when there are knives being thrown around. Starring: Daniel Auteuil, Vanessa Paradis. Directed by: Patrice Leconte.

Girlfight [R 1h 50m] Girls like to punch people, too. Starring: Michelle Rodriguez, Jaime Tirelli, Santiago Douglas, Paul Calderon. Directed by: Karyn Kusama.

Gladiator [R 2h 30m] Romans, Christians, lions, thumbs, little metal skirts. Starring: Russell Crowe, Joaquin Phoenix, Richard Harris and Djimon Hounsou. Directed by: Ridley Scott.

Godzilla 2000 [PG 1h 37m] What the hell do you think it's about? Starring: Godzilla. Directed by: Takao Okarawa.

Gone in 60 Seconds [PG-13 1h 58m] Nick Cage and Angie Jolie steal cars as loudly and quickly as possible, thanks to Jerry "Armageddon" Bruckheimer. Starring: Nicholas Cage, Angelina Jolie, Giovanni Ribisi, Robert Duvall. Directed by: Dominic Sena.

Highlander: Endgame [R] There can only be one my ass. Starring: Christopher Lambert, Adrian Paul. Directed by: Douglas Aarniokoski.

Hollow Man [R 1h 45m] An invisible man goes crazy just because he can. Starring: Kevin Bacon, Elizabeth Shue. Directed by: Paul Verhoeven

The Kid [PG 1h 44m] Bruce Willis has an inner child that's fat and annoying. Starring: Bruce Willis, Lily Tomlin and Spencer Breslin. Directed by: Jon Turteltaub.

Ladies Man [R] I repeat, there should be a law against big-screen adaptations of "Saturday Night Live" skits. Starring: Tim Meadows, Will Ferrell, Tiffani-Amber Theissen, Billy Dee Williams. Directed by: Reginald Hudlin.

Legend of Drunken Master [R 1h 42m] Yet another Jackie Chan import. Starring: Jackie Chan, Ti Lung. Directed by: Lau Ka Leung.

Lost Souls [R] Winona Ryder keeps seeing the devil everywhere like a big Tootsie Roll. Starring: Winona Ryder. Directed by: Janusz Kaminski.

Love and Sex [NR 1h 22m] A journalist confronts her own sex life É wait, journalists don't have sex lives. Starring: Famke Janssen, Jon Favreau, Cheri Oteri. Directed by: Valerie Breiman.

Meet the Parents [PG-13 1h 47m] Never marry a woman whose father is Robert DeNiro. Starring: Robert DeNiro, Ben Stiller, Teri Polo, Blythe Danner. Directed by: Jay Roach.

Nurse Betty [R] Woman takes her soap opera obsession to a new level by landing a role. Starring: Renee Zellweger, Morgan Freeman, Chris Rock, Greg Kinnear. Directed by: Neil LaBute.

The Nutty Professor II: The Klumps [PG13 1h 45m] Contrary to all common sense and logic, it's only the poopoo that really shines. Starring: Eddie Murphy, Janet Jackson. Directed by: Peter Segal.

Opportunists [R 1h 29m] Father struggles with the dilemma: fix cars or crack safes? Starring: Christopher Walken, Donal Logue, Cyndi Lauper. Directed by: Myles Connell.

The Original Kings of Comedy [R 2h] Comedians give white people a long overdue tongue lashing. Starring: D. L. Hughley, Cedric the Entertainer, Steve Harvey. Directed by: Spike Lee.

The Patriot [R 2h 47m] Mel Gibson is the only American with the balls to stand up to the wigwearing British. Starring: Mel Gibson and Heath Ledger. Directed by: Roland Emmerich.

Pay it Forward [PG-13 2h 4m] A whole slew of Oscar winners learn to love. Starring: Kevin Spacey, Helen Hunt, Haley Joel Osment, Jay Mohr. Directed by: Mimi Leder.

The Perfect Storm [PG13 2h 12m] My first reaction to the movie was, "you dopes, just move and stop fishing before you die." Starring: George Clooney, John C. Reilly and Mark Wahlberg. Directed by: Wolfgang Petersen.

Pokemon the Movie 2000 [G 1h 49m] Well, duh. It's about, like, stuff with, like, those things. Starring: Kids who have indulgent parents. Directed by: Talentless Hack, Jr. /P>

Psycho Beach Party [NR 1h 35m] If the title doesn't explain the movie, nothing will. Starring: Thomas Gibson, Tiffani-Amber Thiessen. /P>

Remember the Titans [PG 1h 53m] A football team asks, "Can't we just all get along?" Starring: Denzel Washington, Will Patton, Wood Harris, Kip Pardue. Directed by: Boaz Yakin.

The Replacements [PG13] A football strike means the NFL is taken over by Keanu Reeves and his evil band of strippers. Starring: Gene Hackman, Keanu Reeves. Directed by: Howard Deutch.

Road Trip [R 1h 31m] Tom Green takes his nasty habits on the road. Starring: Breckin Mayer, DJ Qualls, Seann William Scott and Tom Green. Directed by: Todd Phillips.

Rocky Horror Picture Show [R] Let's do the time warp again-- and again -- and again --

Saving Grace [R 1h 34m] Little old British ladies get high on pot. Starring: Brenda Blethyn, Craig Ferguson. Directed by: Nigel Cole.

Scary Movie [R 1h 28m] This movie is scary all right. Scary that someone spent more than $5 to make it. Starring: Jonathan Abrahams, Carmen Electra and Shannon Elizabeth. Directed by: Keenen Ivory Wayans.

Shaft [R 1h 38m] Just looking at the black leather Armani clothes was a dead giveaway that they weren't going to let Shaft go soft. Starring: Samuel L. Jackson, Jeffery Wright and Christian Bale. Directed by: John Singleton. Smiling Fish and Goat on Fire [R 1h 30m] That's one hell of a title to live up to. Starring: Derick Martini, Christa Miller, Steven Martini. Directed by: Kevin Jordan.

Space Cowboys [PG13] Fogeys in space! Starring: Clint Eastwood, Tommy Lee Jones, Donald Sutherland, James Garner. Directed by: Clint Eastwood.

The Tao of Steve [R 1h 28m] A guy who did all for the nookie, and who tells you where you can take that cookie. Starring: Donal Logue, Greer Goodman. Directed by: Jenniphr Goodman.

Thomas and the Magic Railroad [G 1h 25m] Alec Baldwin and Peter Fonda embarrass themselves in this trippy tyke movie about the little engine that could talk. Starring: Alec Baldwin, John Bellis, Peter Fonda and Mara Wilson. Directed by: Britt Allcroft.

Titan A. E.[ PG 1h 35m] Space cartoon with no Space Ghost. Starring: Matt Damon, Bill Pullman, Hank Azaria and Drew Barrymore. Directed by: Don Bluth and Gary Goldman.

Urban Legends: Final Cut [R 1h 34m] Weren't teen slasher films declared dead again? Starring: Joey Lawrence. Directed by: John Ottman.

Urbania [R 1h 43m] A gay New Yorker becomes obsessed with urban legends. Starring: Dan Futterman. Directed by: Jon Shear.

The Watcher [R] Will cops and serial killers ever learn to get along? Starring: James Spader, Keanu Reeves, Marisa Tomei. Directed by: Joe Charbanic.

What Lies Beneath [PG-13 2h 6m] Your partner is guaranteed to jump into your lap at least four or five times. Starring: Harrison Ford, Michelle Pfeiffer. Directed by: Robert Zemeckis

Woman On Top [R 1h 33m] That's right boys, she cooks, and that title means what you think it does. Starring: Penelope Cruz. Directed by: Fina Torres. .

X-Men [PG13 1h 36m] This is a film that was made with a sequel in mind, if not already written. Starring: Patrick Stewart, Ian McKellan, Famke Janssen and Halle Berry. Directed by: Bryan Singer.