Return of the transsexual roommate

Dear Stephanie

I got a call the other day from an old friend that I hadn't heard from in about 15 years. My old college roommate. The only problem was that he had become a she. To say the least, I was floored. He/she called and said that he/she wanted to get together for a drink and "to catch up on old times." What could this person possibly want, aside from the obvious? I'm currently single, but I'm not THAT desperate. What do you think I should do? -Genderbender

Dear Mr. Inflated Ego

Please don't flatter yourself so much. Here is a someone you referred to as an old friend, not an ex-lover or ex-stalker. If he didn't want you then, why would he/she suddenly wake up and make the amazing discovery that he/she wants you now? When you say, "What could this person possibly want, aside from the obvious?" I think the obvious was stated when he/she said, "Have a drink and catch up on old times." Just because your old friend is finally comfortable in HER new skin, doesn't necessarily mean she wants to jump yours.

Dear Stephanie

After reading your Q&A section on your website, I see you are a big advocate of "going downtown" and to tell the truth I LOVE IT. Just doing it can usually make a limp, spent buddy come back to life. Problem is-the ONLY time my girlfriend seems to let me do it is...

1) When she is fresh out of the shower (lovely soap smell instead of that wonderful sex smell).

2) If she just happens to be buzzed or high enough to not notice that she just didn't leave the shower.

3) If she has just douched (and I for one am not fond of vinegar).

Sometimes she lets me just to let me-but never "gets there" because she is thinking "how dirty she is" ... even though she's one of the cleanest people I know. I've only gotten her the big O maybe four or five times in three years ... I personally consider this a terrible thing ... mostly because women generally are multi-O's ... or many li'l O's strung together. It's always been my goal to get at LEAST one Big O before I use my manly equipment at ALL. I just wish I could figure out how to cure her of her thoughts of inadequacy and cleanliness. -It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that stank

Dear stank lover

Here's a little joke. Q: What does the blind man say when he passes by the fish market? A: "Good morning ladies." Ever heard this one? So have a bizillion other people, and then we wonder why women get complexes about the cleanliness of their crannies. But the truth is, douches are bad news. Women's vaginas are more than just hot little love boxes, they are self-cleaning ovens. Douches can cause a list of problems, including yeast infections. Then not only will she worry about the smell, she will worry about the thick consistency of her juices. YUCK! If it makes her feel better to shower before you head south, then take more showers together. It's a small sacrifice for you and will benefit your sex lives immensely. Also, keep wet wipes on the night stand for the chance that she will give you seconds. If for some reason you are still not able to produce the mighty O's, there could be a problem with your technique.