THE THINGS YOU HAVE TO DO IN THE NAME OF RESEARCH...

When I first received the e-mail from Table For Two, a local successful singles dating service, I thought, “Do they really think I’m desperate enough to go on a bunch of blind dates with strange men and write about it?” And while the rational, analytical side of my brain was busy compiling all the good reasons not to do it, my sappy, and romantic side emotionally protest-ed: “Of course you’re desperate enough to do it. How many great dates have you gone on lately?”

So after that 20-second time period, I hit the reply button and agreed to become a member of my very first dating service. I was already an unofficial member of the Dateless In Denver, perhaps Table For Two would be an improvement on my nearly pathetic social existence.

Before I could begin sampling the man feast, I had to go through a lengthy interview with a really cool lady named Anna. Although somewhat painless for me, I got the feeling my answers to the many questions were probably unnerving for her. However, she absolutely amazed me with her uncanny way of seeing the positive in every response I delivered.

Anna: “So what do you think the main problem is with relationships?”
Me: “Men lie and can’t seem to keep their dicks in their pants.”
Translation in her notes: Stephanie thinks relationships today need more honesty and fidelity.

Anna: “What are you looking for in a partner?”
Me: “Someone who serves my every desire and then knows to leave when I am ready to go to sleep.”
Translation in her notes: She is looking for a giving, understanding and independent man.

After the lengthy interview, she told me that everyone had to undergo a background check before being sent out. This I really appreciated because of the impossibility of meeting any rapists, wife beaters or anyone who has had a restraining order against them. And even though Anna’s translations concluded I was turned on by, let’s just say, open-minded men with a more torrid past, I still wasn’t interested in hooking up with criminal losers.

One week later, after I passed all checks, she called me with a list of potential dates. All I had to go on was a basic profile and a bit of intuition. I ended up choosing three and made plans for date number one the following evening. I was not given the opportunity to see a photo, video or even talk to him on the phone before the meeting.

“Are you crazy?” my friend Lauren asked. “You don’t even know if you’re meeting Quasi Moto for dinner. They should at least let you see a photo.”

“I don’t think it matters,” I told her. “If someone had shown me a photo of my last boyfriend before I met him, I would have grossed out. And yet I was totally hot for him for over a year. I’m all about the chemistry and a photo isn’t going to tell me anything. Besides, he has two golden retrievers. How bad could he be?”

“Didn’t Jeffery Dahmer have dogs?” she asked.

I didn’t care what she had to say about it, I had been given a job, a mission and I was going to succeed. I also had to remind her that if she was lucky I could be throwing one in her direction, because in comparison to her, even my dating life seems exciting. And there always is the possibility that the most amazing guy in the world could be my very next date, but then again....

That week was filled with dates and I was really starting to enjoy the free dinners. The first date was probably the hardest because I had never done the blind date thing. He was very cool and fun to talk to. Not my type physically, but really a nice guy. We even shared dessert and never had a lag in conversation, especially when it turned to dogs. The next day he sent me an e-mail asking for a second date, which I declined. I might, however, turn him over to my friend Janice who likes blondes and doesn’t require they be over six feet tall.

The next date was my favorite. He was tall, dark hair and had real expressive brown eyes. It was the first time I had ever been on a date with someone eight years older than myself and I actually liked it. Our dinner turned into a three-hour intense talk about our pasts, families and passions. He talked about why he uses the dating service and how the people he meets are usually nice. I was starting to understand after meeting someone like him there. We ended our date with a very close hug and I would definitely go out with him again.

Just when I was starting to think this was the best way in the world to meet people, I went on the third date. This guy was annoying from the moment he shook my hand. He bragged about himself most the time and made at least three references to him partying and getting drunk a lot. Then, when the bill came he put down exactly half, even though his entree was twice as much as mine. What a cheapskate! I raced out of there more quickly than someone who had just dined and dashed. That date sucked, but hey, two decent dates out of three really isn’t too bad.

My friends were excited about the idea of blind dates after I told them about the one I had especially liked, and we decided that it would be appropriate to take this experiment a bit further— straight to the World Wide Web where a plethora of photo personals exist. Armed with hot guy radar, search engines and high hopes we are venturing forth. If you want to know how that turned out, then catch me next time!