BOTTOMS UP!

Somewhere on South Broadway, suspended quietly beneath a green and yellow neon sign reading "Cafe Cero," lies a gateway to an ethereal alternative to Denver's raucous commercial night life. Cero is a discreet little venue, tucked away in one of the few Victorian houses still remaining on South Broadway. Just North of Herman's Hideaway and The Gothic Theater, Cero offers a soft-lit, artistic alternative to both the tiresome pretension of chi-chi restaurants and the glaring repugnance of Denver's mostly gruesome bar scene.

From the arched entrance to the tree-studded front patio, to the upper reaches of this building that seems to spread its arms into many different worlds at once, it is evident that Cafe Cero occupies a space all its own. The building, a merger of a classic Victorian home and the neighboring run-of-the-mill laundry, is an amalgamation that sets the eye at odd angles and creates interesting lines. The neo-classic aesthetic of the building has been skillfully maintained within the interior.

Aged hardwood floors, adorned by graceful moonlight falling from two stained-glass windows, lead maze-like through corridors, past railings and under balconies. Burnished light both emanates from and reflects off of hand-crafted cop per sconces and chandeliers that string the walls together like shiny beads. Surrealistic artwork shares the walls with pop posters, painted masks and neon. The atmosphere is more than comfortable, more than intimate, and offers several different rooms from which to enjoy the ambiance.

But ambiance isn't all that's offered at Cafe Cero. Sunday nights at 10, the small stage hosts "Cirque de Cero," a live comedy talk/ variety show that opens with a monologue--usually focusing on current events or local oddities. After the talk show and opening monologue, a featured guest takes the stage. Recent appearances include Kevin Fitzgerald, comedic vet extraordinaire who is featured on Animal Planet's "Emergency Vets." Fitzgerald, a well-known local comedian, brought a veritable circus to Cafe Cero, staging "Wolcott's Rabbit's Foot Minstrels," a show featuring Pork Chop the dancing pig, a performing dog and, believe it or not, well known Irish tenor Fergal. Other recent appearances include Troy Baxley, Dave Sipos, Todd Jordan, and P. J. Moore, all well-known entertainers.

Tuesdays offer half price bottles of wine and more. "Nude Music Tuesdays" are a weekly feature at Cafe Cero. Before you make a dash for the camera and car keys though, let me clarify: in this "stripped down version of Denver's best bands," it is the music that is nude, not the musicians. This is an acoustic version of the band's favorite numbers rather than a formulaic performance. Alas, nothing dangles onstage but a few long notes. Still, the entertainment is free and, although fully clothed, the shows do provide a very intimate experience with some of Denver's premier musicians. Recent performances have been staged by Rainville, Twilight Motel, Mama's Boy and Shovel Tongue.

In addition to eclectic ambiance and entertainment, Cafe Cero fields a fine, more than reasonably priced menu. Chef Bridger Hardy, whose prior experience includes Carmine's on Penn, The Painted Bench and the Sky Diner, knows how to fill a proper plate. The menu caters to all palates with dishes ranging from baked brie to wine-steamed mussels to fettuchini with pepperonchini cream sauce. Six specials, which change daily, bring a constant stream of fresh flavor to the standard menu. This month the menu is expanding to 20 items, and the late-night crowd should be able to find a tasty offering of appetizers and finger food. The New York Strip is the most expensive item on the menu, priced at less than $14. Most of the dishes are priced between $6 and $8, so for roughly the price of a mashed up bunch of eggs at one of those all-night establishments, you can grace your tongue with balsamic chicken breast, sun-dried tomatoes and the like at Cafe Cero instead. Add a nice glass of Chardonnay or Merlot from the respectable wine list to further lift your spirits and enhance your palate.

With everything Cafe Cero has going for it, including the three owners' close connections to the entertainment industry and artistic community, it is little wonder that the place sees more than its share of local and national celebrities. The "Blue Room," a small room usually reserved for private VIP parties, has housed some major names. Virgin Records and Capricorn Records have held private parties at Cero's, as has Channel 9 News. Most notable however, is the constant stream of musicians that stop in from time to time-- 311, Rage Against the Machine, and the Squirrel Nut Zippers just to name a few.

Bar specialties include various martinis, a signature margarita, and several beers on tap. A free pool table, a dart board and fooz-ball table set off in a private area rounds out the tenable benefits to be had at one of Denver's hippest clandestine hangouts ... but don't feel intimidated. Owners Lynne, Craig and Rich are always around and hand out smiles and handshakes with even more ease than they serve up drinks. So, next time you're looking for a good place to have a drink, or a meal that will tantalize your tongue without gouging your pocketbook, just sidestep the blaring sports bars and the meaty singles scene, and stroll on up to Cafe Cero. A

Nude Music Tuesdays are a weekly feature at Cafe Cero. Before you make a dash for the camera and car keys though, let me clarify: it is the music that is nude, not the musicians.