PANTY RAID

Dear Stephanie,

The man that I have been seeing for several months and think I would like to marry just informed me that he occasionally dresses up like a woman and goes out to clubs and gay bars that way. He said it's nothing for me to worry about, but I'm really scared. Now all I have been doing is worrying. Does this mean he's gay? Is he a drag queen? Is it a prelude to infidelity? Please help, I am at a total loss.

--Need A Real Man

Dear Need A Real Man,

Drag queens, trannies, crossdressers! The chicks with a little something extra! They run the entire spectrum from drop-dead gorgeous to just drop-dead. You might be confusing your crossdresser with something else. How do they differ? Like so:

First you have your crossdressers--more than 95 percent of them are straight, at least in the beginning (but that's a whole other column). For the most part they enjoy being a boy! They just have a softer side of themselves that, from time to time, needs to be expressed. This can be done from simply wearing panties or stockings under their manly gear to full-blown female attire.

Second you have the trannies (Sorry GIC--transgendered). These people believe they have been born into the wrong bodies. Some seek to correct this by massive doses of hormones. Some decide to undergo the knife. Breast augmentation, liposuction, tummy tuck, face-lift or altering, adams apple shave, SRS (sexual reassignment surgery ... chop!) --you name it. Your imagination and your bank account are the only limits here!

Then there are drag queens. They are entertainers. Glamour, glamour and more glamour! Mostly gay ... always flawless! Most of these girls don't have a 'Day Look' item in their wardrobe. They prance around a lot, dance like ballerinas and call everyone names like honey, sweetie and precious.

I just happen to have a dear friend who falls into the third and most fabulous category. Her name is Anita Cocktail, and besides being a lovely entertainer who performs all over town, she just happens to also give amazing advice, especially when it concerns chicks with dicks, men in dresses, or taping and tucking. I decided to turn your dilemma over to her, and here is what she had to say...

Poor baby! The mental gymnastics you must be going through. First off, you can relax--more likely than not (95 percent according to surveys), he's straight. Most crossdressers are normal, heterosexual men in all other ways. Wearing a dress doesn't make him gay. Having sex with a man, that's what would make him gay.

On the plus side (yes, precious, there is a plus side!) most CDs (crossdressers) are voraciously faithful to their sweeties! Very caring and sensitive (wouldn't that be a nice trait in all men?).

What causes this? No one knows for sure. Most CDs had uneventful childhoods. People often think there is trauma involved, but in most cases rape, incest and the like aren't a major factor. Some data even suggestsCDs are born with 'something' in their psyche that predisposes them to this harmless fetish. One thing is sure ... it doesn't go away.

But remember dear, he's a crossdresser, not a crack-head! And if you're an optimist like I am, you just might discover that if you two have the same taste and size and then PRESTO ... your wardrobe just doubled!

I would also like to add that it really shows a lot that he shared this information with you, instead of hiding in the shadows with shame. Apparently, he cares about you a great deal and wants to be honest. Even if you don't understand his fetish, try to be supportive. If it's something you just can't handle, then let him go now before either of you becomes too attached.

Attention crossdressers or their partners: Where does one go to get a pair of size 17 stilettos? Wig? Boobies? How about corsets? Makeovers? Waxing? Nails? There are businesses that specialize in these transformations.

Studio Lites: 333 Broadway, 303-733-7797

Phyllis' Fantasies: 522 Galapago, 303-805-1115

Raves' on Colfax & Steele, 303-333-5987

Walk into any of these places as a boy, leave as the girl of your dreams! Some even offer tours En Femme.

About Anita Cocktail...

Anita performs as a boy (Bud) Wednesdays through Fridays at the Aurora Summit. As a woman most Saturdays she's at BJ's Carousel and most Sundays she's at Charlie's.

She's a regular caller on KOA's "Sports Zoo" and Peter Boyles' morning show on KHOW. She has done TV commercials for Rocky's Autos.

Last year Anita helped raise money for several charities, including, Women's Breast Cancer; Colorado AIDS Project; Gateway Battered Women's' Center; and Project Angelheart.