SPANK YOU VERY MUCH

Dear Stephanie,

I don't know the first thing about spanking and my boyfriend and really wants me to take charge and do this. What should I do?

--The Unwitting Paddler

Dear Unwitting Paddler,

Depending on what his particular fantasy is, there are many things you can do to dominate him and punish him the way he deserves. If he likes the naughty boy angle, you can set up a scene where you catch him doing something he shouldn't be doing and put him over your knee and starting lightly-- spank his ass. Then if he responds well, you can begin to increase the pressure to his liking, taking him to his most erotic limits.

I once had a boyfriend who loved to be caught sneaking into my lingerie. Sometimes I would catch him going through my drawers and sniffing the panties, other times he would actually be wearing the panties. Either way, when I caught him he knew he was in big trouble! He would try to get out of the inexorable consequences (all a part of his fantasy) but of course, he would get what he deserved! And no one can administer a spanking the way I can when I see a boy in my panties.

Some guys are not into the roleplaying, and just like to be lightly spanked while having sex. You can experiment with all kinds of positions. Just make sure you start gently and communicate with him about his fantasy and expectations.

Dear Stephanie,

Is there a good sex position, besides doggy style, where I can do my girlfriend and spank her too?
--New to it all

Dear New to it all,

Here's a fun position that allows for a little spanking and a whole lotta loving all at once.

You sit on a chair or the edge of the bed with your woman mounting you, facing away. Not only does this make for deep penetration, it also gives you a great shot at her sexy little cheeks. While she rides up and down, you can slap and squeeze. You also have a lot of control on how fast or hard she goes. Grab a hold of her ass and guide her to whatever speed you like and then in between, throw in a few love pats.

Dear Stephanie,

I was hoping you could tell me if there is a way to know if my wife would enjoy being tied up? This is a fantasy of mine, but I am afraid if I tell her about it she will freak out. Is there any subtle way of knowing? --Future Mr. Roper

Dear Future Mr. Roper,

I once knew a man who began to notice that his partner liked it when he held her arms or shoulders down during sex. Maybe that's because the partner was me. I don't know what it was, but something about him holding me that way made me feel like I was helpless to him. I would have gladly let him tie me down, but the coward never asked. I wasn't asking for pain, just an erotic form of play. A surrendering of power. I think for a lot of women it is difficult to just lie back and receive pleasure, and one of the reasons why being tied up or down works for them is that it is ultimately out of their control. They have no other choice than to surrender and receive the pleasure. It's also an amazing turn-on.

So, to see if your wife might be receptive to this idea, try just holding her arms down during a kiss or sex and see how she responds. Does she breathe harder, seem more excited? This could be a subtle permission for you to take charge. Also, you can say things to her like, "Have you ever imagined yourself completely powerless to my pleasuring every inch of your body?"

If she responds in a positive way, then I would say it's pretty safe to move forward. Just make sure the first time you do it you use something soft (like silk scarfs) so she can easily escape from if she needs to. And remember, if you are using real handcuffs ... don't lose the key!

Send your questions and problems to the goddess at sirenweb@aol.com