NOTHING BUT A BOOTY CALL

Dear Stephanie,
I am in a relationship with this guy who never calls me except late at night after he has been out partying. Then he is so sweet and tells me how much he wants to see me. The next morning he is a different person, cold and in a hurry to go. But a couple nights later, he turns into a sap again. What do you think is going on?
--Confused

Dear Confused,
I'm not sure what you want out of this relationship, but it sounds to me like you are just his fuck buddy. That means you are someone he keeps around for those extra horny moments when either his girlfriend is busy or he has no one else to call. Those late night calls are nothing more than booty calls. For those who are unfamiliar with the term, a booty call is a last minute call from someone usually considered a fuck buddy, generally after midnight and very often driven by alcohol consumption. The contents of the conversation frequently contain:
"Hi. I miss you. Can I come over?"
or
"I am in the mood to hold you."
or
"I think I left my watch there, can I come by and get it?"

Any of these are fine if you have already established a fuck buddy relationship with someone; however, if you are like some recent men I have met, you may have overlooked the simple, yet important stage of courtship. I am not by any means an old fashioned girl, but calling a girl after midnight when you have only just met, or have never even kissed is, as far as I'm concerned, a tad eager. Now there may be such a thing as an eager beaver, but I can tell you right now, this eager fellow comes nowhere near the beaver in my book.

Here's a message that was left on my voice mail last week from a guy I had only met briefly and hadn't gone on a single date with yet:

"Ooooh, that message sounded soooo sensuuuaaal girl, you've got it gooooing on from top to bottom, head to toe ... matter fact, I'd love to give those toes a foot rub ... anyway, this is [N__] I just got off work-- as I previously mentioned I work nights-- anyway, it's 2:20 in the morning and I'd love to talk to you ... I really felt a connection talking with you the other night ... so, anyway, call me as soon as you get this."

Part of me really wanted to return his call at 7 am and wake his ass up the way he did mine. I'm sure my toes wouldn't have sounded as enticing then when he was trying to sleep off his hangover. But instead, I never called him back. There's just something about an over-anxious guy that totally turns me off.

It's up to you if you want to continue to be his fuck buddy or not. There's nothing wrong with the situation; however, I don't see it turning into anything more than just sex if he is cold and insensitive in the morning. If you have feelings for him that go beyond an occasional roll in the sheets, then I suggest you dump him. If you do decide to keep him around as a fuck buddy, don't let him stay the night anymore. Then you don't have to deal with his frigidity in the morning, and who knows, maybe it will make him miss you a bit.

Dear Stephanie,
When is the right time to bring up my past to my current girlfriend? I really want to tell her that I have had experiences with men. It was a long time ago, but I feel it's imperative to have an honest relationship and I really think she's the one.
--Been there, done that

Dear Been there, done that,
The answer varies depending on a few factors:

1. How long the relationship has existed. The longer you have been dating, the more likely she can handle your past.

2. Is she bisexual? (Non-bisexual women are less likely to understand your "experimental" phase with a man. If she has had no bisexual experience, consider keeping it hush.)

However, if it's that imperative for you to get it off your chest, then I would say be honest the sooner, the better! Then, if she has a problem with it, you'll handle it now or lose her before there's too much time and energy invested.

The way you tell her is just as important. I wouldn't recommend you find yourself in the middle of dinner passing the mayonnaise and blurting out, "By the way honey, did you know that I can suck cock like a vacuum?" Be delicate! Ask her if she has ever experimented with group sex, other women, etc. Then you may confess and tell her that you are glad you've gotten all of that experimentation out of your system so that you can be the best person possible in your current relationship with her (if, and only if, the desire to suck cock is truly out of your system).

You also may just think about keeping it to yourself. Ask yourself this: does it affect your current relationship in any way? If the answer is no, then zip those lips and think about the possible consequences confessing could deliver. She may have serious issues with it and fear that you are bisexual or even gay. Sometimes the past is better left in the past!

Send your sex and relationship questions to Stephanie at sirenweb@aol.com