How does one party all night in a town with a bedtime? We brainstormed the ten best things to do in Denver after the 10 o'clock hour, and discovered some great predictable standbys, some unorthodox twists on old favorites, and some things our twisted minds should have kept quiet. No more complaints about there being nothing to do, folks. Carpe noctum!

10:30 - Tea at St. Mark's

Like any good time, this night is going to be toxic. Get your system ready with a cleansing spot of tea at St. Mark's (locations on 17th Avenue at Race and Larimer Square), a joint more known for coffee, but with a copious tea menu for the discerning crumpethead. Bohemian conversation and underground art stimulate the mind-- we'll get to the body later.

11:00 - Pool at Shakespeare's

The kiddies will have finally cleared out by now, and you can enjoy a round at the best meet market there is ... any activity that requires people to bend over and slowly pump their arms is guaranteed to arouse emotion. Shakespeare's (2375 15th Street) offers unabused tables and a consistently amusing crowd. Avoid high drink prices by getting lubed up across the street at My Brother's Bar first.

11:30 - Caraoke

Karaoke has always been the activity of choice for single people who want to meet other people. But what if you're single and you hate other people? What if you're not single, but you still like to sing? Enjoy caraoke: the new sport that's taking over 13th Avenue and Colfax. All you gotta do is roll down the windows, put on your favorite song, and sing as loudly as you can out to the pedestrians on the sidewalk. You'll get dirty looks and perturbed stares and several dudes just plain ignoring you, but the rush is worth it. If you're not hopelessly single, drag friends along for backup singers. Drive slow, and fuck inhibition.

12:00 - Midnight Movies at the Mayan

Our other choices aren't night specific, but unfortunately this one only works on Friday and Saturday nights. The Mayan does a superb job of picking cult movies for bigscreen rerunning, always centered around a monthly theme. Get drunk first-- but not too drunk-- for maximum sociability. And always tip your ticket taker.

12:30 - Dance on the sidewalk in front of Funky Buddha

If it's the weekend, you're sure as hell not getting in. This hot spot (776 Lincoln) is packed to capacity with the more beautiful side of Denver, and the only thing that keeps the interior from feeling like the leaky hold of a slave ship is all the perfume. If you want to get funky to the DJ beats, you'll have to utilize the sidewalk out front. Like caraoke, this activity requires no inhibitions-- the beautiful aren't used to spontaneous outbursts of enjoyment and rarely dance under any light brighter than a blue neon sign. That's what makes them beautiful.

1:00 - Drunken dinner at Pete's Kitchen

The hardest thing to do in Denver after 10 pm is get a meal, decent or otherwise. Kitchens close notoriously early here, which is why Pete's has thrived for decades upon decades, treating the munchies with topnotch diner food that's proud of its greasy spoon origins. Numerous accolades have praised Pete's Kitchen (2019 E. Colfax) for its stalwart efforts before this humble paragraph came along; all we can add is a recommendation to try the gyros. Opa!

1:30 - Eat a chili dog in front of 7-11

The only way to calm your churning stomach after Pete's is to give the disturbed organ something to make it forget any earlier transgressions: grab a chili dog, yo. The best thing about 7-11s is they're conveniently located on the scrubbiest corners of downtown, usually directly across from a bar, so you can ogle the last call staggerers as they begrudgingly call it a night. Favorite locations include the one behind Café Netherworld on 13th Avenue, the one across from Goodfriends on E. Colfax (watch secretaries who got bombed for the first time in a decade try to open a car door), and the one at 8th and Colorado (hospital employees hit the Schlitz, too).

2:00 - Walk down 7th Avenue

Not only is this unexpectedly ritzy corridor the safest stroll under the moon, it's a treasure trove for the casual voyeur. For whatever reason, the more-well-off-than-you like to stay up late with the Venetian blinds fully retracted. It sounds lame until you try it-- the tranquility of a summer night's walk coupled with the occasional entertainment of a fat millionaire worrying about tax evasion in a bathrobe simply can't be beat.

2:30 - Have sex

This time, with feeling. Get toys; go shopping. If you need inspiration, Kitty's is always open and ready to screen the movie of your choice in the upstairs viewing room. Do it in public. Do it upside down. Do it with someone who doesn't know your middle name. Do it all alone. Just put on your Nikes and do it. 2:30 is peak horny hour for the world (which is why the bars close at 2).

3:00 - Snack and a smoke at Jerusalem

Okay, hot stuff. Now you need a cigarette. But why have it in bed? How cliché-- no, venture back out into the inky night and get a postcoital snack to have with your cancer stick. Jerusalem (near DU at 1890 East Evans Avenue) keeps the couscous coming 24 hours a day, and has a lovely patio for sitting in the warm summer breeze and watching the weaving traffic go by. The best thing about Israeli food is the price: you and your lover can get in and out for under $10 without breaking another sweat.

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