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Volume 3, Issue 14
July 5 - July , 2001
HUNTED
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THE AVENUE GRILL
630 East 17th Avenue, Denver, Colorado
303-861-2820
I was sitting at the bar, waiting for the
three unlucky participants who would be subjected
to my demented ravings over dinner. I had ingested close to a
gallon of Coke [Editor's Note: the soft
drink] and smoked most of a pack of
cigarettes in less than a half an hour
while freaking out about the potential
social fiasco that might take place this
evening. I remember thinking things
like, "What if I go on one of my uncontrollable
rants in the middle of dinner?"
"What if I'm waiting in the wrong
restaurant?" "What if the winners are
actually hit men hired by a restaurant I
bashed into bankruptcy?" "What if this
is all some cruel hoax designed to make
me lose my failing grip on reality?"
Stephanie showed up looking fabulous
as always, shaking me from my downward
spiral of fear and loathing. Since I
was sitting in a cloud of cigarette smoke
(which Steph hates so much that she
carries a little battery powered fan to
blast smokers with), we headed over to
our table.
Luckily Stephanie was a little more
optimistic and realistic about the
evening ahead of us.
So after quelling the thought she might
be a part of the conspiracy against me, I
mellowed out a little and looked over
the menu. We ordered drinks and talked
a little shop: she told me a little about
the book she's writing; I told her about
the TV show I'm up for. I stopped mid-sentence
as a man approached our table.
He didn't look like a hit man sent by bitter
restaurateurs he was casually
dressed and seemed friendly enough
but I was still cautious. I rose from my
chair slowly and offered my hand, ready
to dive under a table if he reached
behind him. He shook my hand briefly
introducing himself as Joel Solomon,
then focused his attention on Stephanie.
This made me relax quite a bit, realizing
I probably wasn't in any danger, but it
also made me a little bummed because I
wasn't quite as important as I had
thought! We shared a little small talk
about this and that (he talked mostly
with Steph but what guy could blame
him?). Before long a tall attractive
woman came toward the table looking
directly at me and smiling. I smiled
back for a moment then panicked! "Of
course they would send a beautiful
woman to throw me off guard!" I
thought, wildly looking for an escape.
Every episode of "Nikita" I had ever
seen flashed through my mind. This is
it, the headlines would read: 'Beloved
food critic gunned down by unknown
striking female assailant. ' The newsreels
would say: 'Journalism suffered a
tragic blow today when celebrated
writer Bobby Black was gunned down
by a hired hit woman. ' She extended her
hand as she drew near. I accepted it,
bracing myself for some sort of offensive
attack or poison ring or something.
Then everything went into slow motion,
I heard someone in the bar laughing, a
waiter asking someone if they needed
anything, the clank of silverware É she
was saying something É "focus man
focus," I screamed inside my head. The
words, "I'm Heidi Gehert, glad to meet
you," made it through the panic induced
fog clouding my brain.
"No hit woman? No headlines? No
moving epitaph? No, Bob, just too
much caffeine again!" I thought as we
sat down. My mind is like a bad neighborhood
it's somewhere you shouldn't
go alone. Once I had returned to reality
the conversation at the table was light
and interesting. Steph entertained us
with journalistic highlights ranging
from the penning of her first love letter
at five years old to her radio talk show
which led to her current position with
Go-Go. Heidi, a linguistics major,
shared some stories of college life and
told us about her plans of heading for
Europe for 11 months next year. Joel
gave us some of his experiences as a
fourth grade school teacher and of
course admonished me about my poor
grammar (story of my life). I, on the
other hand, spent most of the evening
turning the conversation back to my
favorite subject, ME! I might not be
much, but I'm all I talk about. After
much talk about myself and a few other
subjects we decided to order.
Everything on the menu looked great
and after much deliberation I settled on
a Caesar salad to start oh, by the way,
Steph insisted I tell you that the balsamic
vinaigrette dressing was phenomenal!
Then grilled prawns wrapped with
panchetta and covered in BBQ sauce for
an appetizer, which were almost beyond
belief ... the only bummer was I could
have eaten a couple dozen more! And
for a main course, Atlantic salmon
roasted with soy marinade topped with
pureed ginger and pickled cucumbers.
Accompanied by homemade roasted
potatoes with, and I quote, "our fresh
vegetable medley." I am proud to report
I managed to fight off the urge to lick
my or anyone else's plate! We had
dessert family style ... that is to say, eating
from one another's plates in a courteous
fashion, not like my family members
who wait until you're not looking
then replace your ice cream with their
uneaten broccoli. The parade of desserts
went something like this: homemade
gelato ice creams including dark chocolate
fresh-minted coconut and vanilla
bean, panacota, Jack Daniels chocolate
bread pudding, and crème brulé. The
baleful ringing of my cell phone interrupted
the glucose-induced daze
brought on by our sweet, creamy,
liquored feeding frenzy. I would like to
take a moment to apologize to our dinner
guests and to diners everywhere for
leaving my cell phone on at the table:
very bad form! An emergency had arisen
that would require my immediate
attention, is the best way to put it, sparing
you the details. (I remember a fairly
famous actor saying, "Just because it
happened to you, doesn't necessarily
make it interesting.")
The food was great, the service was
impeccable, the ambiance was awesome,
the company couldn't be beat
and the fact there isn't a contract out
on me was both heartening and disappointing.
All in all a great night
out! Thanks Go-Go! A
www.noctul.com
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