Volume 3, Issue 14
July 5 - July 18, 2001

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE

It is I, Maris The Great! A number of you mortals have e-mailed me, asking me the details of what happened to me [June 24] at Pridefest. Some of you also asked for an avenue to voice your concerns. Hopefully, this [letter] will provide everyone with everything needed.

This last Sunday, I decided to walk in the Pridefest parade. Just prior to the parade beginning, a handful of police officers approached me and said I had to leave. I said, "Why? I'm gay." They said, "It doesn't matter, the parade organizers don't want you in their parade." To their credit, the police were polite, as was I. I left without incident. Just for the record, there were no incidents of any kind involving me the whole time I was at the parade. I was having a pleasant time with other parade participants. I had vowed not to kill anyone and was being a nice zombie.

However, while I think I am a thing of rotting beauty, I understand some mortals are squeamish. I obviously don't fit the pre-assigned image of a gay person. I didn't know such an image was a prerequisite to walk in the parade. The organizers obviously thought I was just a forgettable fan of that terrible, satanic Marilyn Manson, who we all know is responsible for the Columbine tragedy.

None of this would matter to me, BUT, the parade is supposed to be about acceptance, tolerance and diversity. I pointed out in my e-mail to the organizers that these three are qualities I've always found in abundance in the straight community. I find it strange that an event that is supposed to stand for the same, simply does not.

The organizer of the Parade is "The Center" (Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual & Transgender community center of Colorado). The Executive Director is a guy by the name of Mike Smith. His e-mail is mike@coloradoglbt.org

He refuses to answer my e-mails. If it resonates inside of you to do so, e-mail any concerns you may have to him. If this is not something you want to do, that's okay. If you do choose to voice concern, please don't do it out of political correctness. I've never been about that. Also, you might want to refrain from inappropriate language.

My Greatness thanks those of you who have shown concern. And now that I have that out of the way, let me take this opportunity to remind most of you that you are very doomed and will die before the year is up.

I have now spoken. --Maris The Great

By all accounts the Pridefest Parade was as peaceful and fun a parade one could imagine without the benefit of a major sports victory ... certainly less eventful and more enjoyable than your average Columbus Day debacle. I was extremely discouraged and confused, then, by this letter from Maris. He's right-- tolerance and "pride" in who you are extends to every segment of this community, even to the flamboyant undead. It seems, lately, the most discriminated-against group in this fair state is Young People Wearing Black. Judging people on their fashion taste is just as disgraceful as judging them by the color of their skin. A black t-shirt doesn't make someone any less human. What's been fascinating lately, especially in the aftermath coverage of the twin rallies downtown preceding Ozzfest, is that the news media has suddenly and subtly declared that wearing black is the same as being a subversive, hateful citizen. They've done this through casual yet carefully placed mentions of attire among certain groups of people, and by using buzzwords. They've made black clothes an enemy the same way they used to make black skin an enemy in days of yore. The Pridefest Parade took place to fight such attitudes; it's unfortunate that these attitudes held sway even there.

Speaking of attitude, Miss Alexandra Winters got on her soapbox at a recent Drag Queen Bingo (Thursday nights at The Wave, 2021 Champa St.) to also lodge a minor complaint about the Pridefest parade-- apparently, one of the many leatherheads on a certain truck was gregariously hanging brain. (That means displaying testicular fortitude ... and longitude, and latitude.) Her rant concluded by asking gay men of a certain persuasion to please keep the monkey in the coconut tree during public celebrations where children are present. She's right: ringing your Christmas bells isn't going to change a bigot's bitter perception of the homosexual lifestyle.

We present these two opinions as requests for next year's Pridefest celebration, to make it even better than this year's: let the zombie play, but don't tempt his tummy with your taste of nuts and honey.

BEER ME

Dear Go-Go Editor,
Being a recent victim of what seems to be an Andy Warholless '80s Republican-sponsored downward economic spiral ... I have found drinking Budweiser at 2 pm is much more fun than programming computers for a failing start-up.

I have to admit I have never read Go-Go until I picked up a copy while stumbling out of the Wynkoop Brewery last night. Except for David Eggers A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genuis I rarely laugh out loud while reading. However, I could not resist reading the commentary to my girlfriend while secretly craving a MGD (which by the way I will purchase after I am done praising your staff).

After six months of unemployment, I have drank my fair share of beer. By far the best beer ever made is Lefthand Sawtooth Ale. I urge you to visit their fine establishment to sample free shots of liquid gold tapped straight from the honey pot itself.

Be forewarned though: Friday afternoon attracts a lot of older and quite pathetic husbands hoping their 911s and refurb Mustangs will unwittingly transform their "birth-control-lives" so they may once again be free to chase tail. Do yourself a favor and show up with a woman. And don't make the mistake I made and only purchase one jug of beer. It doesn't last as long as you think.

Bravo to the writers who contributed to your alcoholic field trip. I look forward to future articles.

By the way ... the Wynkoop has somehow managed to cultivate the world's most horrible beer. I am convinced the brewmaster is none other than Tattoo from "The Love Boat." Shame on them for trying to pass trough-water off as beer. --Mark Taylor

As a newbie, you missed Alex Neth's fairly scathing appraisal of the Wynkoop's charms. Check it out online at www.gogomagazine.com/0310/bars.html.

--Chris J. Magyar