Volume 3, Issue 14
July 5 - July 18, 2001

PICKUP SHOTS

A. I. [PG-13 2h 15m] Okay, who told Spielberg he could touch Kubrick? Isn't that like Guns 'N Roses covering Beethoven? Starring: Haley Joel Osment, William Hurt, Jude Law, Frances O'Connor. Directed by: Steven Spielberg.

The Animal [PG-13 1h 17m] Duece Bigelow: hung like a bear. Starring: Rob Schneider, Colleen Haskell. Directed by: Luke Greenfield.

The Anniversary Party [R 1h 55m] More cameos than you can shake a stick at. Starring: Jennifer Jason Leigh, Alan Cumming. Directed by: Jennifer Jason Leigh, Alan Cumming.

Atlantis: The Lost Empire [PG 1h 36m] As opposed to Atlantis: The Crappy Vegas Casino. Starring: Michael J. Fox, James Garner, Mark Hamill. Directed by: Gary Trousdale, Kirk Wise.

Baby Boy [R 2h 7m] Singleton just realized his royalty checks for Boyz N The Hood needed padding. Starring: Tyrese Gibson, Ving Rhames, Omar Gooding. Directed by: John Singleton.

Bridget Jones's Diary [R 1h 32m] Every 13 year old girl's dream comes true when a diary makes men love a woman. Starring: Renee "Squints" Zellweger, Hugh Grant, Honor Blackman. Directed by: Sharon Maguire.

Cats and Dogs [PG] What happens when Dr. Dolittle leaves the room? Starring: Alec Baldwin, Tobey Maguire, Sean Hayes, Jeff Goldblum. Directed by: Larry Guterman.

crazy/ beautiful [PG-13 1h 35m] Fast times at generic California High. Starring: Kirsten Dunst, Jay Hernandez. Directed by: John Stockwell.

Dr. Dolittle 2 [PG 1h 30m] This time with an environmental message shoved down your throat. Starring: Eddie Murphy, Norm MacDonald, Lisa Kudrow, Kevin Pollak. Directed by: Steve Carr.

The Emperor's New Groove [G 1h 12m] An animated buddy comedy in South America? Again? Starring: David Spade, John Goodman, Eartha Kitt, Patrick Warburton. Directed by: Mark Dindal.

Evolution [PG-13 1h 45m] Killing aliens: exactly how will this help Duchovny break out of the Mulder mold? Starring: David Duchovny, Orlando Jones, Julianne Moore, Dan Aykroyd. Directed by: Ivan Reitman.

The Fast and the Furious [PG-13] Wow, this movie is so much better now that Stallone's not in it. Starring: Vin Diesel, Jordana Brewster, Michelle Rodriguez. Directed by: Rob Cohen.

Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within [PG-13] Real live actors, kiss your asses goodbye. Starring: Ming-na, Alec Baldwin, James Woods, Donald Sutherland. Directed by: Hironobu Sakaguchi.

Himalaya [NR 1h 48m] Soft core yak porn. Starring: Thilen Lhondup, Gurgon Kyap, Lhakpa Tsamchoe. Directed by: Eric Valli.

Kiss of the Dragon [R] Finally, kung fu movies are using the word 'dragon' again! Starring: Jet Li, Bridget Fonda. Directed by: Chris Nahon.

A Knight's Tale [PG-13 2h 12m] We will we will bore you. Starring: Heath Ledger, Mark Addy, Rufus Sewell. Directed by: Brian Helgeland.

Legally Blonde [PG-13] Sure took 'em long enough to make that Clueless sequel. Starring: Reese Witherspoon, Matthew Davis, Selma Blair. Directed by: Robert Luketic.

Memento [R 1h 43m] This movie's about É um É I forgot. Starring: Guy Pearce, Carrie-Ann Moss, Joe Pantoliano. Directed by: Christopher Nolan.

Moulin Rouge [PG-13 2h 6m] A big-screen musical? At least it'll be weird. Starring: Nicole Kidman, Ewan McGregor, John Leguizamo, Jim Broadbent. Directed by: Baz Luhrmann.

The Mummy Returns [PG-13 2h 5m] Indiana Jones and the special effects of doom. Starring: Brendan Fraser, CGI beasties. Directed by: Stephen Sommers.

Pearl Harbor [PG-13 3h 3m] This one should make a mint overseas, especially in Japan. Starring: Ben Affleck, Kate Beckinsale, Josh Hartnett, Dan Aykroyd! Directed by: Michael "Blow It Up" Bay.

Pootie Tang [PG-13 1h 22m] An unintelligible actor gets big laughs É didn't work for Stallone in Stop, Or My Mom Will Shoot, but it might work now. Starring: Lance Crouther, David Cross, Andy Richter, Chris Rock. Directed by: Louis C. K.

The Road Home [G 1h 29m] The traditional and the modern clash in China again. Starring: Zhang Ziyi, Sun Honglei, Zheng Hao, Zhao Yuelin. Directed by: Zhang Yimou.

Scary Movie 2 [R] Remember the tag line of the first one? "No Mercy. No Shame. No Sequel." No shit. Starring: Anna Faris, Tori Spelling, some Wayanses. Directed by: Wayans the Elder.

The Score [R] DeNiro must be done with comedies. Starring: Robert DeNiro, Edward Norton, Marlon Brando. Directed by: Frank Oz.

Sexy Beast [R 1h 28m] When a criminal goes in for "one last job" ... well, you know. Starring: Ray Winstone, Ben Kingsley. Directed by: Jonathan Glazer.

Shrek [PG 1h 29m] Supposedly funny groundbreaking anima-tion. Starring: Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy, Cameron Diaz, John Lithgow. Directed by: Andrew Adamson, Victoria Jenson.

Songcatcher [PG-13 1h 53m] A musicologist stumbles into the Appalachians. Starring: Janet McTeer.

Swordfish [R 1h 37m] Halle Berry naked? I'm there! Oh, wait, John Travolta. Starring: John Travolta, Hugh "Wolverine" Jackman, Halle "Storm" Berry. Directed by: Dominic Sena.

Tomb Raider [PG-13 1h 37m] Just like playing the game at home, only you're not allowed to spank off to Lara Croft in the theatre. Starring: Angelina Jolie, Jon Voight. Directed by: Simon West.

What's The Worst That Could Happen? [PG-13 1h 30m] Revenge between a thief and a millionaire ... guess which one the black actor plays. Starring: Martin Lawrence, Danny DeVito, Nora Dunn. Directed by: Sam Weisman.

With A Friend Like Harry [R 1h 57m] This is why I don't attend high school reunions. Starring: Laurent Lucas, Sergi Lopez. Directed by: Dominik Mol.