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Volume 3, Issue 14
THE DISHSiren OnlineSteph's Place I don't know what it is about eating out with my friends, but somehow, someway, the conversation always turns to sex. This is true for both my male and female friends, but to a lesser degree for the men because, to their surprise, they can't seem to stomach some of the spicier topics the ladies dish out. Those I pity in this situation are the neighboring tables who innocently think they are out to enjoy a nice, peaceful meal. Maybe next time they will think to bring along earplugs. During lunch the other day with two other girls and one guy we, of course, talked about the first thing that popped up. Sean took no time at all in explaining how hot his new girlfriend is and how he has a neverending appetite for her peach pie. "In fact," he proudly announced, "her pie is much sweeter than any other I've experienced in quite a few years." It's funny how men use euphemisms and tapdance around the real meaty subjects such as devouring a tasty pussy. Sarah, on the other hand, dove right into the details of her new boytoy. I say boytoy because she never goes near anyone within 10 years of her actual age. And to the best of my estimations, she just celebrated the 7th anniversary of her 30th birthday. "He's a snowboarding pro. So, I decided to model my riding jacket for him with nothing else on but a pair of very sexy spiked shoes." "And did your riding jacket live up to its name?" I asked. "It sure did. In fact, I had no idea it was built for such bumps. Thank God I had the good sense to purchase the water-resistant one!" We were all laughing except for Janice who had a fuck-you-all-because-I'm-not-getting-any scowl hanging on her face. Her latest stud turned out to be someone else's stud as well, so she dumped him. It wasn't that she minded sharing, she just liked being present in the situation and having the other party be one of her friends. "You're better off without the cheater," I told her. "It's not really him I miss. It's the sex," she reminisced. "He had the nicest dick I have ever seen." "How great could it have been?" Sean asked. We all begged for a visual comparison. "Was it like this?" Sarah asked, picking up the salt shaker. "How about this?" Sean laughed, holding his butter knife. "That to the power of 10!" Poor Janice. The odds of finding another stud fully equipped with such impressive extras were not good. However, the odds of finding another guy who has a secret girlfriend, but still continues to play the field, are no doubt considerably higher. That same night was the big Go-Go contest dinner at The Avenue Grill, and on my way down there I wondered if the conversation would be anywhere near as exciting as the lunch talk. Were all meals invitations to hot, sex talk? Or did they have to be just between close friends or lovers? Bobby and I arrived before the winners, so we sat at our table discussing our expectations of the dinner conversation. I told him a little about the things that came up during lunch, which actually brought a blush to his cheeks. There's something ironic about a 6'8", tattooed, temple of brawn blushing due to a quick description of oral sex. I promised to run to the bathroom and clean my mouth of all dirty talk before the unbelievably lucky winners arrived. Joel was first to arrive and then a few minutes later Heidi walked in. Both were very cool and immediately easy to talk to. In fact, they were so friendly I almost slipped and started making comparisons when the spring rolls arrived. But, just like the good little girl that I am, I kept my naughty thoughts to myself and participated in small talk. Our fears of uncomfortable silences and incessant throat clearing were brought to rest when the conversation picked up and we were all laughing and having a great time. And even though I kept my words G-rated, Joel actually raised things up a notch by mentioning how several trees in Capitol Hill really smell like cum to him. I won't go into how amazing the food and service was, because I'm sure Bobby has taken care of that. My job is to talk about sex, even though there was no sex happening nor any of my usual tawdry dinner conversation. And just when I thought that the world's first sex-less dinner happened, I got an e-mail the next morning from the male counterpart of the contest:
Hi Stephanie!
Best wishes, and thanks again! And then it occurred to me ... even if the sex isn't mentioned, as long as there is an appetite and penis involved, the sex is most definitely brewing. Dinner anyone? |