Volume 3, Issue 16
August 2 - August 15, 2001

RISKY BUSINESS

Dear Stephanie,
I am completely obsessed with one of my friends. I'm not sure if he wants me, too, but I am at the point where I need to tell him how I feel. Some of my friends are telling me it will ruin our friendship, but shouldn't all relationships be built on friendship? I think we would be good together. Sometimes when he is talking to me and looking me in the eyes I get the feeling that he is just as crazy about me as I am about him. Ever since I realized I feel this way, I have had no interest in any other guys. What is your opinion on this? Should I tell him how much I want him despite my fears?
--Chances Are

Dear Chances Are,
A good friend of mine has a great philosophy she lives by, which she calls "What If?". What would happen if that fear didn't exist? Play it out in your mind and think of the best and worst case scenario and more than likely the outcome will fall somewhere in-between. So many times we pass up amazing opportunities because we are in fear of rejection or embarrassment, when the result might actually be exactly what we want, if only we'd put our hearts out there. The fact that you are already great friends shows that you can stand him on a non-sexual level. That's one big step ahead of a lot of relationships that are solely based on sex. Don't worry about ruining the friendship, go for something better. Just be courageous and take the chance. You can keep quiet and be exactly where you are right now, yearning away, or you can call him right this minute and perhaps start something fantastic between the two of you. And remember, if you don't step up, another girl just might. Then how will you feel if he gets serious with someone else?

Dear Stephanie,
I have a dilemma. I am a very attractive girl with a very high libido, but I can't get laid to save my life because I don't want a 'relationship'. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have someone around who likes the same things I do and wants to take me out on the town every once in a while but beyond that, forget it.

I also have a slightly kinky side, which is hard to introduce to someone new when you want to maintain at least some semblance of respectability. It was easy with my last boyfriend because we loved each other, but now that I don't want love to factor into my life right now I'm fucked, unfortunately only in the figurative sense.

Every time I've tried to simply maintain a fuck buddy relationship the guy gets weird on me! It starts with the phone calls at hours not acceptable to the agreement, you know, anytime before 2 am. Then I get the hideous, "I want you to meet my friends, family, boss, etc." Then there's the drunken 3 am call, not the horny DO ME NOW kind, but the unwelcome declaration of love, even though, according to him, I am the coldest bitch he's ever known!

What I'm wondering is, is it ever okay for a girl just to want to get laid? Just to want a few hours of hot, sweaty, kinky sex without the problem of being labeled a whore or branded a bitch? How does a girl with her heart on the mend do all the fun stuff without risking her heart all over again? --Danielle

Dear Danielle,
Yes, it's okay for a girl to want to just get laid. And as far as I'm concerned, the hotter, sweatier and kinkier the better. I think your problem is that you are getting your thrills a little too close to home. The only true way to have totally amazing, wild sex with no strings attached is when you are on vacation. What could be more of an aphrodisiac than hearing the words, "I go back to my country tomorrow."? Especially when those words are spoken in a thick Latin or Italian accent!

I realize most of us can only take a few vacations a year, so you have to work on finding yourself better local fuck buddies. For completely uncomplicated situations, why don't you only get their number and do them at their place? Then you are in complete control of the situation and get the sex on your terms. And most importantly, you can leave when you are done. Don't give details about yourself besides what feels best and when you will be expecting it.

When you are ready for more and you feel your heart is mended, make sure the guy you pick doesn't know any of your former boy toys. And as far as introducing whatever your kink may be, I say the sooner the better. Most guys are pretty adaptable in the beginning of the relationship and will try to do everything to please you sexually. It's only later that the lack of foreplay and abundance of excuses set in. And for these less-than-satisfying times, I suggest you keep these boy toys on the back burner.

And speaking of hot and wild vacations, I think a trip to Jamaica to Hedonism Resort is just what this sex columnist needs for some very exciting content for upcoming articles. This is where all of you readers need to help me out. I'm thinking if my editor gets enough e-mails from all you amazing fans begging him to send me there, just maybe it will work. Who knows, he might even let me bring someone along! Help me out here!

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