Volume 3, Issue 14
July 5 - July 18, 2001

CRADLE ROBBING AND OTHER DAILY CHORES

Siren Online
Steph's Place
New! www.stephanieglenn.com

Dear Stephanie,
You often mention boy toys and how they can make women over 30, or women not getting enough stimulation for that matter, feel like a queen. And I feel like I'm participating in an immense disservice to my female elders, I being 19, by not aiding an older woman. It could be a sense of duty to feel this way. On the other hand it might just be that I have a thing for older women. In any case, it seems as though, correct me if I'm wrong, that you are constantly getting picked on by your friends, pertaining to your sexual tastes for younger men. Now I'm not saying I'm trying to rescue you or anything. Don't get me wrong, my sexual prowess is inferior to yours by a fair amount I'd imagine. I'm just saying that it would be an honor to get bossed around and treated like a piece of meat by a woman of your beauty and stature. --Yours for the taking, Chad

Dear Chad,
Thank you so much for your inquiry and even more so for submitting your questionnaire and application. I realize the questions were lengthy and a bit personal, but one can never be too sure when they are on the search for the perfect house boy/boy toy. Although you do show a lot of promise and enthusiasm, I will have to say no for now. Please apply again when you have completed 800 hours of massage therapy school. Also, don't forget those letters of recommendation from other women commending your services; bonus points if the handwriting looks shaky from their trembling afterglow. For those of you who still feel brave enough to apply, here is a fraction of the questionnaire that Chad so eagerly sent in.

1) Pick out the quote that best describes your attitude.

A. "Wham bam thank you ma'am."
B. "I'm here for the beer."
C. "How may I serve?"

2) During sex, has anyone ever asked the dreadful question, "Is it in yet?"

3) When giving a massage you...

A. Don't stop 'til the hands go numb.
B. Use one hand for me, one hand for you.
C. "Massage? What's that?"

4) How quickly can you get dressed and out the door after services rendered?
A. Five minutes, unless a last minute request is given.
B. However long it takes to slip back into my toga.
C. Depends on if I can wake up.

If you would like a complete quiz and application rules, please send $20 to Go-Go! [Editor's Note: this is a joke, about the $20, you don't actually have to send money ... wait, what the hell am I saying?]

Dear Stephanie,
I have a question concerning dating older women. I just recently broke up with my girlfriend who happened to 10 years older than myself. We broke up because I wasn't appreciating her and suddenly I was immature. Aren't all men? I was, and really still am in love with her and would do anything to win her back. My question is about what percentage of women like to date younger guys? I know for a fact I could never go back to chicks my age. They are so giggly and lame in bed. Also, I was wondering if there is any way you could help me win back my girlfriend. She is 30 and I am only 20. I'll do whatever it takes, I know I've lost the greatest girl around. --The young one

Dear Young One,
It's so amazing to me how this sudden flash of insight comes after you lose the woman you supposedly love and not while you are lucky enough to have her in your life. But I have a drawer full of sappy letters from ex's to prove the phenomenon of what I like to call Post Appreciative Man Syndrome.

The percentage of women who like to date younger men seems to get higher each year. I know it makes a lot of sense to me. The older I get, the younger they get. I remember when a guy five years younger seemed like cradle robbing. Now, I call guys within five years of my age older men. Maturity has nothing to do with it. Some of the "older" men have been the most immature and fucked up. Age doesn't bring wisdom; experience does. So hopefully you learned from the situation. Chalk it up to experience and either move on to another older woman or do some serious ass kissing to get the 30-year-old back.

Without knowing what immature acts sent her on her way, it's tough for me to know if you have a chance. If you were fucking around, forget it. You won't get another chance if she has a shread of sense. If you were just being a little selfish or annonying, then just maybe you can redeem. The best advice I can offer is to go to her and spill your guts immediately about your feelings and how much you want her back and how completely wrong you were in the past and how much better it will be if only she gives you one more chance to worship her like the queen she is. It's a good idea you don't show up empty handed. Nothing extravagant is necessary, a rose or some great wine is fine. Hopefully, she hasn't already moved on to another young stud who understands the meaning of appreciation.

Thought for the week: "Men are like a fine wine. They start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something we would like to have dinner with."

Send questions and problems to the queen: sirenweb@aol.com