Volume 3, Issue 21
October 11 - October 24, 2001

THE SPINAL WORD

Siren Online
Steph's Place
New! www.stephanieglenn.com

Dear Stephanie,

Lately my boyfriend has been taking me for granted. At the beginning of our relationship (8 months ago) he treated me like a queen. He called me all the time, took me to great restaurants, sent flowers when I least expected it and wanted sex every night. It was like a dream come true. But now that we live together, he is totally different. He now expects me to cook him dinner, watch him and his drinking buddies guzzle down cases of beer while watching some blaring sporting event and the sex has dwindled to maybe once a week, if I'm lucky. It's becoming harder and harder for me to get his attention. Some women I know tell me that this is normal and acceptable change, my gut tells me something is very wrong. I want the man I fell in love with back. I know he's in there somewhere, I just don't know how to rescue him from this ingrate he's been swallowed up by. Can you help me?

--The last straw

Dear Last straw,

This behavior may seem normal when you take into account the thousands of stories, just like yours, of the perfect man drastically changing as soon as he gets too comfortable. But PLEASE, don't ever delude yourself into believing that this is acceptable behavior. Those women telling you that it is should be sent off to Betty Crocker Land where they patiently await the daily busloads of unappreciative men arriving every 15 minutes with their dirty laundry, smelly pits and empty beer glasses, ready for immediate service.

The first thing you need to decide is if this man is really worth your energy. It's very difficult to get them back to their original and might I add preferable, whipped state once they have fallen into the dreaded ABS-- Al Bundy Syndrome. In fact, sometimes I think it's better to just dump their ass and go find a new, eager and appreciative man. If the new one slips into ABS, go find a newer one. So what if you become a serial monogamist, at least you are in a constant state of romance and passion. And anyone who thinks that's a shallow life should spend an evening with an ABS man and all his intelligent budzos at the local bowling alley. I'll settle for a string of admirers any day!

Now, if you do think he's worth the investment and that there is a possibility you can retrain him into a desirable man, then you are going to need a quick lesson in Spine Removal. In case this term is unfamiliar to you, Spine Removal is my effective program to have men pussy-whipped in a matter a weeks. Some might call it offensive. I prefer to look at it as creative defense. It's not something that should be done until a man starts taking you for granted, so in your case, it's well overdue!

Since you say you can't seem to get his attention, I think I have the perfect solution. Tomorrow when you get home from work, which by the way should be at least two hours late, begin talking about the new guy they hired. Don't act like you like him too much, just mention how aggressive he is and how the "other" girls at the office are all Ga Ga about him. And make sure to slip in how he NEVER watches football. Then the next day be more than 2 hours late again. If he asks why your are so late, just tell him you were so busy that you lost track of time. During these extra hours go to the gym or catch up with girlfriends.

Get back to doing things that are good for YOU. Believe me, if you do this for a few days, by the end of the week you will have his attention.

Put those pans away! There will be no more cooking for him. You need to call him from work and tell him to get dinner because you have already eaten or that you have a work dinner to attend. He needs to get in the habit of fending for himself, that is until he begins to take you out to nice dinners again. And when he starts visualizing you having dinner with the new hotty at work, he will have a rolodex full of restaurants.

You will also need some assistance from some of your girlfriends. That is, if they have forgiven you for blowing them off during this temporary state of blindness. Have them call your home at later than acceptable hours. Make sure he answers and then have them hang up on him. Because this never happened before the new, cute guy at work appeared, his imagination will begin running like crazy. You need to sleep right through the phone call and act as innocent as possible. In fact, go around smiling more than you ever have. Not only will you have his attention, you will have his every thought. The important thing to remember is you want to put a scare in him, not actually make him think you are cheating.

Try all these things for a week and you should see incredible changes. If, for some reason you don't, then he is one of those men who are not worth your energy. A wise bitch once said "You can't change a rat's ass." Repeat these powerful words as you are graciously touching his clothes for the last time-- packing them up.