Volume 3, Issue 22
October 25 - November 7, 2001

DONE IN 60 SECONDS

Dear Stephanie,

I have been seeing this man who is wonderful in every way except when it comes to sex. He does great foreplay and really turns me on, but then once he penetrates me it's about 30 seconds tops. I can't take it anymore! What can I do about his problem? --Beyond Frustrated

Dear Beyond Frustrated,

My sympathies to you in this disturbing situation. First we need to figure out why he is a one-song-wonder, two-pump- chump or three-minute-man. Obviously, he is experiencing premature ejaculation which is the most com-monly experienced male sexual dys-function. What exactly is premature ejaculation? It's ejaculation that occurs prior to when a man wishes, or too quickly during intercourse to satisfy the partner or in your case and ejaculation that occurs before your first blink. When most males ejaculate they tend to quickly lose a usable erection for the simple reason that their discharge has temporarily released a state of elevated sexual tension. This means, in less scientific terms, that Mr. Softy has no chance of pleasing you and you better have some good back up in the way of toys or damn good hands.

I did a lot of research on the topic, and here are some of my findings on the causes of premature ejaculation...

• Early Sexual Experiences. Some men have early sexual experience that conditioned rapid responsiveness (such as masturbating quickly to avoid getting caught by parents, visiting prostitutes, etc) that still persists.
• Low Arousal Levels or Low Sex Desire.
• Performance anxiety. This is anxiety that is activated in sexual situations creating a vicious cycle of performance pressures. Frequently this pattern is seen in new relationships, especially when men feel nervous or intimidated.
• Missing internal cues. Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph. D., who wrote "The new Male Sexuality" interviewed men who could last a long time sexually to discover their secrets. Unlike premature ejaculators, these men were better able to identify their point of "ejaculatory inevitability" (that point where ejaculation cannot be stopped), and take corrective action before that point is reached.
• Aggravated psychological factors such as guilt, fear, and past abuse.
• Figuring out the reason behind the disorder is only the first step, next you need to work on fixing the situation. Here are some ideas to help.
• The most common treatment of premature ejaculation is to become more familiar with the feelings and sensations surrounding the time leading up to ejaculation. By learning to become familiar with these sensations, he can slowly learn how to predict when the upcoming ejaculation will occur and gain more control over them. Masturbation is a great way to know these feelings and learn how to control them. Tell your stud to rub a few out before he comes over.
• There is also a technique called the start/ stop. This technique consists of a series of exercises starting with self-stimulation and ending with intercourse, to gradually increase ejaculatory control.
• Another is the squeeze technique. Originated by Masters and Johnson, the squeeze technique consists of similar exercises as in the "stop/start" technique, but ejaculation is controlled by applying pressure to the top and bottom of the penis.
• Variation of motion and thrusting. You can do this by slowing the tempo of thrusting to make the sensations less intense and slow ejaculation. You can also change the angle or depth of penile penetration to break the peak.
• Mind over matter. Men who successfully last a long time report that they silently shift their fantasies or modify their self-talk to slow things down a bit or to decrease anxiety (football, basketball, baseball). Also, it is helpful for men to learn to focus more on the non-genital aspects of the sexual experience to distribute sexual energy to other parts of the body.
• A simple way to make the situation more satisfying for you is to have oral sex first and make sure he gets you off before he puts his overrapidly exploding tool anywhere near you.