Volume 3, Issue 24
November 22 - December 5, 2001
by Stephanie Glenn
Dear Stephanie,
I am about to lose it with my boyfriend! We have been together for
about 6 months and it has been up and down, but lately it's down. He
always seems to find something to fight with me about and it's usually
something really stupid. Now his big gripe is that I won't swallow every
time I give him head, and I am con-stantly giving him head. He actually
walked out of my room in a huff the other night because I stopped just
short of him coming. I don't under-stand this kind of thinking and I
have never been with a man who was so demanding about that sort of
thing. I love to suck dick, but I don't think I should have to swallow every
time. Am I wrong? What should I do to make him happy and still not
have to swallow every time?
-Just call me the SpitQueen!
Dear SpitQueen,
That man needs a serious reality check. Does he realize how completely lucky
he is to have a woman who sucks him all the time? There are countless women
out there who refuse to go down at all, and here this ingrate is expecting you to
deal with a nasty case of thick throat on a daily basis. Not that swallowing is
bad, there are certain situations where it's exciting, but not with EVERY
blowjob! I'd like for you to address these questions to your delusional boyfriend...
Does he give you an orgasm EVERY time?
Will he go down on you ANY time of the month?
When he massages you does he do your ENTIRE body EVERY time? (If you say
he never massages you, then he really needs to be dumped!)
I suspect he doesn't go all out every time he does something for you, so you need to point this out to him. Personally, I would boot any guy who left my bedroom in a rage! He sounds like a spoiled baby and perhaps if you dump his sorry ass, he can go out and find him one of those women who never give head. That would serve him right and oh boy would he miss you then! So do yourself a favor, stop worrying about how to make him happy in this situation. He is as lucky as they come to have a woman who loves oral and if I were you, I would go out and find someone more appreciative of my superior skills!
Dear Stephanie,
What should I do if my wife hates the taste of my cum? She tells me it's bitter
and smells bad. I don't want to gross her out, but I do like a good
blow job. Is there anything I can do to improve the taste or smell?
-B. H.
Dear B. H.
It is true that some men, just like women, have a sweeter taste and smell. I
think it's very important to be as yummy as you can for your significant other, so
try these tips:
1. Don't smoke. Cigarettes do more than stink up your breath and your body. Several women I know say that smokers always have more bitter tasting cum and more pungent smelling sweat.
2. Drink lots of water.
3. Take zinc.
4. Eat healthy. The better quality it is going in, the better quality it is going out.
5. Bring in some chocolate sauce, fruit sauce or any other fun food items that she will enjoy licking off of you. The taste of the treats will downplay your pungency.
Dear Stephanie,
I have a serious problem with my boyfriend in the spunk department.
To get right to the point, he tastes worse than anything my poor mouth
has ever experienced. It is rank and stale and
goes from disgusting to totally gagging depending on the day. I am not
sure what would cause such a thing, and as an experienced swallower I
have to say that I am dumbfounded. Do you know if this is a diet thing or
if it means he's unhealthy or just plain gross? I haven't told him how I
feel yet, but it really makes me want to keep his dick as far away from my
mouth as possible!
-Puke Breath
Dear Puke Breath,
I did a little poking around on the whole ejaculate flavor issue and that juicy
"stale semen" sideline. First of all, there seems to be a stunningly contradictory
range of opinions as to whether dietary changes actually make a difference in flavor. I repeatedly found the infamous
"no scientific evidence" statement which simply means that no one in a white coat
fed men different suspect foods and then, after a healthy circle jerk, collected
said output (AKA-spunk) and with a bib and spoon sampled the many
nuances of taste.
There did seem to be a general agreement on specific types of foods.... Asparagus is a definite no-no, all the articles I found made mention of that. Some of the others to avoid are cruciferous veggies, garlic, and onion. I discovered in several places that dairy products have a really yucky (that's a technical term, you know) effect. So, it's not necessarily true that milk drinkers make better lovers -at least not when it comes to oral. There was another place that included meat and fish on the avoid list, claiming they give semen somewhat of a buttery flavor. Can someone pass me a muffin?
Now, as to the foods that have a much more positive effect, pineapple was way up there on everyone's list. Also, any diet high in fruits is preferable, especially kiwi, pineapple and watermelon. A couple of lists included celery and, interestingly enough, beer. And come to think of it, if you drink enough beer yourself, his funky spunk may not bother you as much.
I also came across something about exercise that I thought was interesting. There was a doctor who stated that semen is full of lactic acid. And as most of you know, working out raises lactic acid levels... so just imagine what all that pumping of iron does to what you will be pumping out of him later! That's right pungent and bitter semen. Add a generous serving of sweat to the mixture and it makes lesbianism sound very inviting.
I even found a company who has done "extensive research" (I wonder if it included the bibs and spoons) and has developed an "all natural" product for men to take in powder form. Mix it with your favorite juice and miraculously enough, funky spunk becomes yummy cum. The stuff costs about $60 a month and they're supposed to take it every day. I guess that assumes they're getting oral on a daily basis. And apparently, just like spray on hair and pet rocks, there must be a market for it.
Here is an idea for you to make the situation much more bearable. The next time you are giving him head, pop an Altoid in your mouth. Not only will the mint give you a wonderful and fresh taste, it will deliver him unbelievable tingles. Guys love it and so will you when the moment of truth arrives and that hideous taste is camouflaged with curiously strong peppermint.
-Stephanie
Also visit: Siren Online and Steph's Place
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