Volume 3, Issue 26
December 20, 2001 - January 10, 2002
by Stephanie Glenn
Dear Stephanie:
My husband is not interested in sex at all. I have tried everything possible to interest him and he STILL has no interest. Do you think it would still be considered cheating for me to have sex with someone else? I realize this can be a very moral question. I did take my vows seriously, but how can I face the rest of my life without feeling that connection to a man?
It has been over 3 years since my husband and I had sex. There are days that it doesn't bother me, but most of the time it is all I can think about. I don't want a divorce, I just want to be held and touched. In case it matters, there is absolutely NO physical contact between us. He says he loves me. I ve always felt it's important to be faithful and have sex with just one person at a time. I don't want to be considered a cheater.
Desperate for contact
Dear Desperate:
No sex for 3 years, no physical contact of any kind and yet you don't want to get a divorce? What exactly are you getting out of this relationship? A warm body to have on the other side of your bed? Someone to take out the trash? Mow the lawn? You can hire cheap help for that. Sounds like a waste of space to me. His claim of love doesn't mean a whole lot when you're spending more quality time with your sex toys. And just because it's been 3 years since YOU have had sex, don't be so sure it's the same for him. His needs are obviously being met elsewhere, so why deny yours?
Personally, I would divorce him and then get yourself a few hot men to fill the gaps -- after all, you have 3 years to make up for. If for some crazy reason you do decide to stay, then go out and find someone to have sex with, but be honest with your husband about it. That way your are not a liar. And if you still feel it's important to be faithful to just one man, then make sure you don't cheat on your new boyfriend with your husband.
Dear Stephanie: I got a call the other day from an old friend that I hadn't heard from in about 15 years -- my old college roommate. The only problem was that he has become a she. To say the least, I was floored. He/she called and said that he/she wanted to get together for drink and to catch up on old times. What could this person possibly want, aside from the obvious? I'm single, but I'm not THAT desperate. What do you think I should do?
Genderbender
Dear Mr. Inflated Ego:
Please don't flatter yourself so much. Here is a someone you referred to as an old friend, not an ex-lover or ex-stalker. If he didn't want you then, why would he/she suddenly wake up and make the amazing discovery that he/she wants you now? When you ask, "What could this person possibly want, aside from the obvious?" I think the obvious was stated when he/she said have a drink and "catch up on old times." Just because your old friend is finally comfortable in HER new skin, doesn't necessarily mean she wants to jump yours.
Dear Stephanie:
My ex-boyfriend and I dated for a year. During this year he went on about how much he loved me, wanted to marry me, have kids, and so on. The relationship was very rocky which led me to believe that the relationship would not work out. He also had no ambition or goals which completely worried me. Even though I was truly in love with him I broke up with him.
We stopped speaking for a while and he began dating someone else. Three months after our breakup we began seeing each other again and he did everything to assure me that he cared for me and that he was breaking up with his girlfriend. He used the knowledge that I still wanted our relationship to work to keep me around, yet he also secretly kept his girlfriend. It has been a year and I'm fed up with him and his cheating self. I have dismantled whatever relationship we did have, but want him to know that he cannot treat women the way he does. His girlfriend still doesn't know anything about me. It is very convenient for him to hide it from her because she is a flight attendant. I feel she deserves that courtesy of knowing. How do you think I should get him back, and let her know the truth without her assuming that I'm lying to get him back?
Naomi
Dear Naomi: Let us pray that you don't want him back! In your letter you have pointed out that he is a liar, cheater and has no goals or ambition, so please remember those qualities when he comes whimpering back to you, as they all do when they have been caught.
As always, the best revenge is getting on with your life and being happy without him. Yes, it sounds good, but until that moment of enlightenment overcomes you, let's get him!
This letter hits personally, because a long time ago I was in a similar situation where a loser was playing me and a flight attendant. It's so easy to do that with a flight attendant because of her continued absences. The funny thing is, when we found out about each other, we became good friends and we both dumped him. It was great, we both lost 200 pounds of dead weight and gained a lifelong friend. I still sometimes see this hideous excuse of a man at the gym and you should see how unkind the years have been to him. That's justice enough for me.
I don't think I would even call it revenge, since what you will be doing by telling her is a service. She needs to know that this loser has been lying to her for the last year. But before you call her up and tell her everything, it's good to have some proof. He may have already warned her that a psycho ex will be calling and making up lies. So many times that's what cheaters do in situations like this. What kind of proof you ask? Have you saved any sappy messages on your voicemail from him? Hopefully yes. This is something you ALWAYS do in a relationship, save everything. What about emails? Letters or cards? You need solid evidence and if you don't have any, why not call him up and record the conversation? Get him to talk about the last year and ask him how he could keep two women strung along for so long. Ask him if he loved you more than her, that's a sure way to bury him. Ask him about the sex you've had together and get real explicit.
Who cares if you look like a sniveling geek, in the end you will ruin his relationship with her and who knows, maybe she will end up being your friend. You two already have your lousy taste in men in common.
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