Volume 4, Issue 1
January 10 - January 23, 2001

Siren Chat

by Stephanie Glenn

Swinging & Booty Calls

Dear Stephanie,
Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with my partner while experimenting with 3rd parties? It is something I have thought about and we have fantasized about, but I am a little nervous if it will harm our relationship.
--Is 3 really company?

Dear Is 3 really company,
There are so many variables to this question. First of all, I would say it's very possible if you can honestly answer yes to all or most of the following questions...

1. Does your partner's pleasure mean more to you than your own?
2. Does it turn you on to think of sharing your lover with someone else?
3. Do you trust your lover implicitly?
4. Are you completely, 100% secure with your sexuality?
5. Do you consider yourself open-minded sexually?

Now, to the contrary, if you answer no to even one of the questions below, you better steer clear of any threesomes or swinging. Even if your partner is actively trying to get you to experiment, it's best that you keep your relationship completely one on one.

1. Do you worry that your partner finds other people more attractive than you?
2. Have you had experiences in love where you have felt uncontrollably jealous?
3. Does the thought of seeing the one you love with another make you feel upset, sick, jealous, sad or furious?
4. Have you done things in the past because someone really wanted you to, only to feel complete regret later?
5. Do you consider swinging to be an act of disloyalty?

If you are on the road to having a threesome, just make sure the lines of communication are wide open (as well as other things). Also, move slowly and make sure the person you invite into your intimate relationship respects both you and your partner, as well as the relationship you share.

Dear Stephanie,
I am in a relationship with this guy who never calls me except late at night after he has been out partying. Then he is so sweet and tells me how much he wants to see me. The next morning he is a different person, cold and in a hurry to go. But a couple nights later, he turns into a sap again. What do you think is going on?
--Confused

Dear Confused,
I'm not sure what you want out of this relationship, but it sounds to me like you are just his fuck buddy. That means you are someone he keeps around for those extra horny moments when, either his girlfriend is busy or he has no one else to call. Those late night calls are nothing more than booty calls. For those who are unfamiliar with the term, a booty call is a last minute call from someone usually considered a fuck buddy, generally after midnight and very often driven by alcohol consumption. The contents of the conversation frequently contain...

"Hi. I miss you. Can I come over?"
or
"I am in the mood to hold you."
or
"I think I left my watch there, can I come by and get it?"

Any of these are fine if you have already established a fuck buddy relationship with someone. However, if you are like some recent men I have met, you may have overlooked the simple, yet important stage of courtship. I am not by any means an old-fashioned girl, but calling a girl after midnight when you have only just met, or have never even kissed is, as far as I'm concerned, a tad eager. Now there may be such a thing as an eager beaver, but I can tell you right now, this eager fellow comes nowhere near the beaver in my book.

Here's a message that was left on my voice-mail last week from a guy I had only met briefly and hadn't gone on a single date with yet...

"Ooooh, that message sounded soooo sensuuuaaal girl, you've got it gooooing on from top to bottom, head to toe... matter fact, I'd love to give those toes a foot rub... anyway, this is____ I just got off work, as I previously mentioned I work nights, anyway, it's 2:20 in the morning and I'd love to talk to you... I really felt a connection talking with you the other night... so, anyway, call me as soon as you get this."

Part of me really wanted to return his call at 7 am and wake his ass up the way he did mine. I'm sure my toes wouldn't have sounded as enticing then when he was trying to sleep off his hangover. But instead, I never called him back. There's just something about an over-anxious guy that totally turns me off.

It's up to you if you want to continue to be his fuck buddy or not. There's nothing wrong with the situation. However, I don't see it turning into anything more than just sex if he is cold and insensitive in the morning. If you have feelings for him that go beyond an occasional roll in the sheets, then I suggest you dump him. If you do decide to keep him around as a fuck buddy, don't let him stay the night anymore. Then you don't have to deal with his frigidity in the morning, and who knows, maybe it will make him miss you a bit.

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