Volume 4, Issue 2
January 24, 2002 - February 6, 2002
by Stephanie Glenn
Being a somewhat experienced sexpert, bordering on mildly perverted, I am always looking for new and adventurous ways to enhance everyone's sex life. Especially my own. So when I came across the advertisement for "The female orgasm in a bottle," I was moderately curious.
I've always felt that one of the areas that is definitely overlooked and ignored in sexuality is the female orgasm. This is not only the fault of the man, but in large part the fault of the woman. Supposedly, 70 percent of women are not having orgasms. Do the guys realize this? Hell no, because many of these idiots are out there faking it. Any woman who fakes it deserves the lousy sex she gets. All these damn fakers are training men, our future boyfriends, how to be lame lovers. Gee, thanks ladies!
So, this orgasm in a bottle thing really sounded good. The ad read...
"Why should men have all the fun? Try VIGEL! 1-888-748-7918 and start having more and more intense orgasms! VIGEL is a non-prescription, topical gel that is applied directly to the clitoral area and dramatically increases feminine sexual arousal. VIGEL contains special ingredients such as menthol and the amino acid L-Arginine. The menthol instantly creates a delightful tingling sensation. The L-Arginine dramatically enhances circulation."
Menthol! I cringed at the word, remembering the time I rubbed Icy Hot on my sore thighs only to have it somehow work its way up to areas that weren't sore and in need of such intense heat. But the daredevil in me couldn't overlook the more orgasms part, so I read on.
"The 1998 Nobel Prize for Medicine and Physiology was awarded for the discovery of the Nitric Oxide Pathway. Nitric Oxide is the basis for clitoral erection and excitement. L-Arginine causes the production of Nitric Oxide which in turn improves clitoral circulation and thus leads to increased physical pleasure even for those women who have already experienced a loss of sexual desire.
"VIGEL is a sterile, pharmaceutical grade product manufactured to the strictest specifications and is guaranteed to improve your sex-life or your money back! Whether you are multi-orgasmic or have trouble achieving climax, VIGEL will enhance your sexual experience more than you ever dreamed possible."
Money back guarantee! I wonder how much it helps someone who already has great orgasms? Yes, I am proud to admit that I am not one of those pathetic, spineless women doing their best impression of Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally. I have real orgasms and often damn good ones, thanks to my amazing friend "Maverick." I read on.
"Recent double-blind, placebo-controlled, clinical studies suggest that L-Arginine dramatically improves female sex drive and sexual relations, frequency of orgasms and clitoral sensitivity to stimulation."
I decided to try my own double-blindfolded, dildo-controlled, masturbational study to see if the stuff really delivered. The neat thing about being a syndicated sex advice columnist is I can call companies such as these and request samples, all in the name of research. My bottles were Federal Expressed to me the following morning, which came in handy because I'm always ripe and ready for experimentation when I wake up. The package included a nice sized bottle that promised to pack somewhere around 30 orgasms. Well, actually it said 30 applications, but I figured each application would deliver at least one big O.
"Wow," I thought. "That's less than a dollar an orgasm." I couldn't help but wonder how many men out there have paid well over a hundred times that to get their rocks off.
There was also included a nice diagram with instructions for those who are clitorally challenged. At one time I had thought all men knew where the little love button resides, but I was wrong. Very wrong! I realize that sometimes it might be a bit embarrassing to say to your guy, "Hey, can you take it up an inch?" But, believe me girls, these guys need some help!
After rubbing it on myself, I immediately began to feel the tingling. The menthol was a much lighter and might I add, more preferable dose compared to the Icy Hot of my past. In fact, it felt pretty incredible. At this point, I knew it was time for the true test. Since I was alone and only have so many hands, I knew it was time to bring in a wing man. Yes, my favorite standby-- The Rabbit. Can you say zero to orgasm in 30 seconds? I certainly can now! My mind was racing with images of how great the stuff will be with an actual man.
So, now I have another wonderful enhancer to add to my ever-expanding bag of tricks. If anyone has any other tricks they would like to share with me, feel free to write. And if you happen to be the distributor of such devices, please send immediately. After all, it's all in the name of research! To learn more about VIGEL call 1-888- 748-7918 or go to www.100sexsecrets.com.
Also visit: Siren Online and Steph's Place
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