Volume 4, Issue 5
March 7 - March 20, 2002
As holidays go, St. Patrick's Day is among the most loved and misunderstood. It's easy to find fans of catchy cocktails like the Irish Car Bomb (Jameson whiskey and Bailey's Irish cream liqueur dropped into a half pint of Guinness stout). But beyond the drinking, eating and a next-day hangover, not much thought goes into this festival of Irish heritage.
"All we do anymore is get drunk in a bar," said cab driver Kevin Masterson while getting drunk in a bar. "I don't even know if they' re having a parade this year." Masterson and his cohorts at the County Cork (11810 W. Colfax Ave., Lakewood) lamented the sorry state of modern day St. Patrick's celebration.
Not so, said Mik "The Stick" Messina, bass player for electrified hillbilly funk band Brethren Fast. "St. Patrick's Day is one day you can get fallin' down drunk and not apologize," Messina said, adding that it's the perfect holiday on which to appreciate "fast cars and fast women." The Brethren bring their Budweiser-fueled road show to McDonough's (10395 E. Iliff Ave.) on Saturday and Tin Lizzie (1410 Market St.) Sunday. Expect a few off-the-cuff Irish drinking tunes mixed in with the usual hot-rod honky-tonk and George Clinton covers.
The fact that St. Patrick's Day falls on a Sunday this year has restaurateurs and barkeeps perplexed. While many drinking Holidays such as Super Bowl Sunday and Mother's Day fall on the Sabbath, the strict adherence to March 17 generally allows a nondescript Tuesday or Thursday to surge to the forefront of adopted Irish attention.
"We're expecting a slow burn for the whole weekend," said Stephan Frye, owner of Murphy's Bar & Grill (2731 Iris Ave., Boulder). "I think people might be confused as to whether they should celebrate on Friday, Saturday or Sunday, so we're gearing up for it all." Murphy's is among a handful of Front Range taverns that maintain an authentic Irish flavor year round and therefore plan little additional preparation for St. Patrick's Day. Clancy's Irish Pub, located at 10117 West 37th Place in Wheat Ridge will offer only two traditional dishes for the weekend. "We're a neighborhood pub, and we do this all the time," said owner Joyce Wood. "We're not a phony like Fado."
Phony or not, Fado's massive St. Patrick's Day party is a force to be reckoned with in lower downtown. Running from 11 am to 11 pm both Saturday and Sunday, the celebration will consume not only the building at 1735 19th St. (next to the third base entrance of Coors Field) but heated tents surrounding the property. For a $5 cover, wannabe O'Briens and McManuses can be serenaded by Celtic music, stuffed with many variations of the potato, and lubricated with Guinness at its proper temperature.
"I'll be back this year, for sure," said Fado patron Christian Lake over a pint. "Last year my friend lost his car."
Another heavyweight shindig is scheduled for the 18-month-old Celtic Tavern (1801 Blake St.). Two stages will feature live traditional and Celtic music, bagpipers, step dancers and fiddlers. "We've doubled our space by taking over the storefront next door," said co-owner John Higgins. Like Fado, the Celtic Tavern's party will charge a $5 cover and occur from 11 am to 11 pm Saturday and Sunday.
The foundation of St. Patrick's day is undoubtedly beer, and the flagship of the genre is undoubtedly Guinness. Disagree? Well, it's now in print and therefore it's true. Composed of a symphony of four and only four ingredients (malted barley, hops, yeast and water), Ireland's dark, luscious export creates more smiles around Denver than a blowout win over the Oakland Raiders.
Isn't it interesting that a pint of Guinness holds fewer calories than a pint of either orange juice or skim milk? Doctors used to advise nursing mothers to drink Guinness, and weak ale was at one time served to schoolchildren as an alternative to milk. That the closest genetic relative to the hops plant is cannabis? ( It is impossible, however, to make beer with pot.) That the same strain of yeast Arthur Guinness brewed with in 1821 is still in use today?
That dark beer is not inherently stronger than light beer? In fact, the roasting of barley that gives Guinness stout its rich colour and flavour (superfluous u's are a staple of Guinness descriptions) actually removes fermentable sugars from the malt, resulting in a lower alcohol percentage.
Nobody knows exactly who first decided to make beer green on St. Patrick's Day. Officials in the city of Chicago dye the Chicago River green every March 17, or at least a shade of green more vibrant than industrial sludge. Joyce Wood of Clancy's purchases green beer directly from Coors. "We can't color it ourselves," Wood said. "It's federal law."
Dwight Hall, head brewer at CooperSmith's Pub & Brewing (No. 5 Old Town Square, Fort Collins) was unaware of such a law. "All you need is green food dye," he said. "Anyone can do it."
Saint Patrick himself was not even Irish. He was born in Britain when it was under Roman rule. The myth that he drove the snakes out of Ireland is actually a symbolic euphemism for the inquisition that eliminated Paganism from the Emerald Isle. And March 17 marks Saint Patrick's death, not his birth. So once a year we poison rivers and pollute livers in honor of a carpet-bagging, xenophobic fraud. Erin Go Braugh!
For such a staple of the holiday, little is known about the mysteries of corned beef. Married to cabbage, this delicacy is a favorite target of St. Patrick's Day revelers. Barry Oliver, whose family has operated Oliver's Meat Market at 1312 E. 6th Ave. for 80 years, plans to move 500 pounds of corned beef in the next two weeks. "You start with a good cut of beef brisket, and soak that in a salt brine for ten days," he said. " That's your cure. Once cured, add pickling spices, which is basically come different types of pepper."
Denver's St. Patrick's Day parade boasts of being the nation's third largest, presumably behind New York City and Anchorage. This year's route begins at 9:30 am Saturday and runs from the intersection of Court Place and 15th Street and runs south on Broadway. Organizers suggest public transportation to avoid parking hassles and possible drunk driving citations.
This year's parade theme is "The Irish, Proud to be American," and will feature a post 9-11 tribute to Colorado's emergency service personnel. Denver's parade has been mostly free of the controversies surrounding the inclusion of gay organizations that have marred Boston's festivities (not to mention the furor that has erupted in response to recent Denver Columbus Day celebrations). Alas, the deadline has passed for submitting applications for entry by any fringe group.
Steps away from the parade route lies Duffy's (1635 Court Place). It's a tavern where time stands still, and it employs perhaps the single saltiest doorman in Denver, Gary Naffah. Naffah, a Boston native, has monitored entry and exit at Duffy's since 1967, and has witnessed the evolution of downtown, the local pub scene and the methods of marking this Irish celebration.
"This place used to get real crazy for St. Patrick's, but a lot has happened," he said. "Now you've got Bennigan's and Houlihan's and places like that, and a lot of the younger kids will head there. We've been here since 1950, and we're talking about three, four, five generations of regulars coming in." You won't discover cardboard cutouts of leprechauns or green Mardis Gras beads at Duffy's. "It's tradition more than anything else," Naffah said. "These guys don't even make an effort anymore--people just pack this place."
Any juicy St. Patrick's Day stories to tell, Gary?
"One year, a guy tried to steal a toilet. He got it about halfway through the bar before we stopped him."
That's rich. Something a little more risqué, perhaps?
"This was years ago. We're packed, and a couple people come in. Now these guys are completely, totally loaded, everyone is, and it takes about 15 minutes for anyone to realize that they are 100 percent naked."
Most holidays begin as simple religious rituals and evolve into overcommercialized reasons to throw a softball tournament. Christmas used to celebrate the birth of Santa Claus, for Christ's sake. Although the focus of St. Patrick's Day (and this very article) now steers toward alcohol and the venues that distribute it, it was once the province of the Catholic Church.
"Years ago, we celebrated St. Patrick's Day in a very gala fashion," said Father Marcus Medrano of Sacred Heart Catholic Church (2760 Larimer Street). "It was almost comical--all these Mexican and black faces singing Irish songs and dancing Irish jigs." Changing demographics have extinguished Sacred Heart's March 17 festivities. "Our parish is almost completely Hispanic now," Medrano said. "In fact, we don't have one event planned for St. Patrick's Day this year."
For the traditional Irish hangover that invariably follows St. Pat's, you're on your own, says Al Carver, a pharmacist at Capitol Heights Pharmacy & Liquors ( 1200 Madison St.). "People try everything from ibuprofen to homeopathic remedies," he said. "But what they really need is some rest."
Feel like ripping off an authentic Irish jig but don't know a jig from a jitterbug? Just wing it, said self-described "honorary Irish barfly" Diana Huggins while preparing her St. Patrick's Day tolerance at Duffy's. "You get a little drunk, you're with your friends and having a great time, and you just throw up your heels for no reason," Huggins said. Indeed, professional jig instruction is hard to come by. "We don't teach an Irish jig," said Todd Munson, an employee at the Arthur Murray Dance Studio (3355 S. Yarrow St., Lakewood). "I'd try one of those dance companies that do step dancing, folk dancing or that Riverdance thing."
Denver's party supply industry, which peaks around Halloween, barely notices St. Patrick's Day. "We sell a few shamrocks and lepre-chauns, some green hats, . said Bob Swezey, owner of Party Time Supply (6637 S. Broadway, Littleton). "Why are you doing this story again?"
If Swezey caught a glimpse of Sean Lester, he might change his tune. Lester, 23, is a leprechaun, or at least as close as one can come in real life. Standing five foot five, with bushy red locks and sideburns, he is the recipient of nearly constant hazing this time of year." Once some friends threw me down a stairwell on St. Patrick's Day," he said.
Apparently, Lester becomes an unofficial mascot every March 17. "I've turned down offers to wear a green suit at restaurants, and the Lucky Charms jokes get old too," he said. "I mean, they had a black guy who was Notre Dame's mascot. Can't you just leave me alone?" Lester will, however, celebrate St. Patrick's Day at Nallen's Irish Pub (1429 Market St.) because "they always treat me right."
Legend has it that treasure hunters seeking a leprechaun's pot of gold track the little imps by listening for the sound of a hammer. It seems leprechauns are cobblers by trade, and noisy ones at that. Two feet tall and bristling with Irish gruffness, leprechauns are technically fairies. Those who know fairies actually spell them "faeries." That's colourful. Arthur Hernandez, who has worked at AJT Janitorial Services (2800 Evans) for nine years, is not a fan of the drunken excess that has become commonplace on St. Patrick's Day: "Have you ever tried to pick up green vomit?"
Should you ever reach such a sorry predicament, Hernandez can help you out. "To get puke out of carpet, scrape up the chunks with a butter knife," he said. "Use a solution of one capful of Woolite in two cups of warm water, followed by a solution of one tablespoon of ammonia in one cup of warm water, then blot dry."
Regardless of how one celebrates, safety should be a priority. Robert Stone, a retired Denver police officer who now lives in Longmont, used to regard St. Patrick's Day as one of his least favorite holidays to work. "Dealing with drunks gets old fast," he said. "Everyone thinks they know everything. I saw some pretty gruesome traffic accidents, and dumb accidents like people falling through windows and eating change. I could pretty much count on booking six or eight DUIs on that shift.” Officer Stone relays a very simple message to Denver this holiday.“Call a cab.”
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