Volume 4, Issue 8
April 18, 2002 - May 1, 2002
by Stephanie Glenn
Dear Stephanie,
I recently found out one of my closest friends had sex with one of her cousins. She slept over
at his house and they did it twice (not on the same day). To make matters worse, he has a
girlfriend. This doesn't stop him from doing it with his cousin. I feel bad for the girlfriend and
I am worried about my friend. What do you think I should do?
--Beyond Kissing Cousins
Dear Beyond Kissing,
Run, run, run! She may get another wild hair and want to have a sleepover with her closest
girlfriend. Not that this is altogether gross, but just the thought of where she's been would ruin
it for me. But then again, Arkansas needed to be populated somehow.
As far as what to do about it. . . nothing. As much as you would like to help, it really isn't your job or your business. I agree that the girlfriend has a right to know, however, often it's the messenger that gets killed. You could end up with a bunch of enemies.
Dear Stephanie,
My girl and I have a great relationship. But she gets insanely jealous at every little thing. I
went to a bachelor party, and we had a couple strippers in the limo. I behaved myself like a
gentleman because I love my girl. I told her about it and she left for a week. I would never do
anything to hurt her, but I still have to live a life. What can I do to get her to open up?
--Frustrated and in Love
Dear Frustrated,
There are usually two reasons why someone is insanely jealous. Either they have good reason
because they have already caught their partner in suspicious activity, or they cannot be trusted
themselves. You say that you would never do anything to hurt her, but if you have done
something deceptive with her in the past and gotten caught, then you are going to have to deal with her
flipping out until she feels she can trust you again. And to be honest, that usually never
happens. To doubt is like drinking poison and once someone lies and cheats, there is no antidote for
the relationship. Those who try and stay in a situation like that soon see that it's not worth the
anxiety felt every time the suspected one cannot be located.
If your fidelity is not the case, then I would begin to wonder why someone is constantly thinking in terms of infidelity. I have seen so many situations before where one partner is extremely jealous and suspicious, only to find out they are the ones who have a little something happening on the side. That's why it's always on their minds. Perhaps a little investigation on your part might be a good idea. For instance, what was she doing the week she took off because of your bachelor party antics? Have you thought of the possibilities?
I should add that sometimes when people have been cheated on in the past they will sometimes take it out on their current partners. If this is the case, then you should be extra cool about her attitude and try to teach her that not all men are cheating bastards. And remember, sometimes those little, gory details about strippers in limos might be best kept to yourself!
Dear Stephanie,
I never believed in spring fever before but now I understand. My boyfriend of 9 months has
suddenly started acting cold. He used to want to spend every moment with me and now he's
always got an excuse to be away. He doesn't want me to jog with him anymore and one of
my friends told me she saw him driving with a girl last Friday night. When I asked him about
it he accused me of having spies and called me psycho. I don't know what to do. Is this a phase
he's going through, or should I start looking for a new boyfriend?
--Hopelessly Devoted to Him
Dear Hopeless,
Once a very well meaning friend said to me, "Wake up and smell the carcass." It was the one
and only time in many years that I was acting like an idiot over a guy. I'm glad it happened because
it reinforced something I thought I had already ingrained. Put up with nothing! If a guy suddenly
stops wanting to spend all his time with you and he hasn't started a new job, training for the
Ironman or a 15 credit semester, then it's pretty obvious that it is another woman or he's lost
interest. You even have the evidence of him being seen with someone. If this is something you want
to put up with, whether it's a phase or not, then you need more than a new boyfriend: you need
a new spine.
Also visit: StephanieGlenn.com
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