Volume 4, Issue 17
August 22 - September 3, 2002

Siren Chat

by Stephanie Glenn

Beauty is in the Eye of the Lurker

Our Stephanie is on vacation, so we present without further ado a classic edition of SirenChat. Look for more good advice in upcoming issues of Go-Go Magazine.

Dear Stephanie,
Please help me with something that makes no sense and is making me sick! I am a beautiful, successful and very intelligent woman. Men are constantly pursuing me and telling me that I have it all. My current boyfriend and I are very compatible and he loves my sense of humor. We have been together in a committed relationship for about 5 months now, and yet every time we are in public, he looks at other women. I don't mean just a casual glance--I'm talking about a series of stares. It usually goes like this: he will look. . . pause. . . look again. . . glance away. . . look again. . . check me to see if I am noticing this. . . hope that I'm not and then look again . . look at me for a second. . . look again, repeat series. And quite often it's at women who are half his age or look like they are goods for sale. It's so embarrassing to me and really breaks my heart. He says he is faithful and there is nothing wrong with 'looking,' but this behavior makes me question his loyalty. Is it normal for men to do this? How do I get him to stop? --Invisible

Dear Invisible,
There is definitely a difference between looking and staring, and regardless of what it is, if you have told him that it bothers you and he continues to do it, then there are deeper problems in your relationship. I always wonder . . if they are that blatant when you are around, just think of how they must be when you are not present. That alone is enough to send me, and any self- respecting woman, into eternal singledom.

How do you get him to stop? Rip his wandering eyes right out of their goggling sockets, making sure to place them in a lockbox. Otherwise, the dangling balls will still, somehow find a way to disrespect you at every turn. And yes, it is disrespect. Just about every time I am in public I see some pathetic Lookie Lou, just like your boyfriend, leering at me, all the while walking beside a quite competent partner. Does it make me excited? Am I flattered at his appreciative stares? Hell no! It disgusts me. I feel immense pity for the woman, who usually in my opinion is WAY hotter than he could ever hope to be, and it makes me hate him for basically being a guy and doing his God-given duty of checking out everything that breathes. One of these days I . m going to walk up to the guilty googler and say, "I'm sorry, I really should introduce myself, since you have already become so acquainted with my ass, tits, lips, eyes, or whatever it is Mr. Mangler should have taken a picture of instead of trying to memorize every damn detail."

You ask if it's normal for him to do this? Of course, he and all his booze-guzzling, hair-thinning, skirt-chasing buddies will say yes. But the truth is he should really feel honored that a great catch is actually giving attention to him. There might be thousands of beautiful women out there, but to find one who is smart, successful and fun to be with is more than rare.

I've seen it so many times before. . . an average guy gets himself a winning lottery ticket and suddenly has irrational thoughts of it happening again. "Gee, I know 36 million dollars will make me happy for the rest of my sorry life, but maybe I should put it all down on this roulette table and see if I can get MORE! ! ! !" And when he is inevitably left with nothing more than his booze buddies and memories of the good old days, let the sucker know he should have bet on black, because that's going to be the color of the hole where his empty, unappreciative heart once resided.

If there is any hope at all of this relationship surviving, you need to tell him one last time that this hurts you and that if you see it again you will leave. But you might have to be patient with your Lurker because self-control is something that takes years to learn, especially for men, and by the time that finally happens his eyesight will begin to go anyway. Then the poor bastard won . t know the difference between a hot and sexy chick and a man in pink chaps. Kind of justice in itself.

Personal note to all Lookie Lous and Lurkers, and you know who you are. . . Women are disgusted with you. Even the one you were panting at last night at the bar. Yes, it's true. Quit your drooling, eye popping, bulge-adjusting stares. We see them. Even if you think we don't, we do. Quit elbowing your budzos when we walk in the room and please stop using lines, especially ones like, "Are you a model?" Remember, all women love a challenge. And no, a challenge is not the gorgeous woman walking beside you that you are disrespecting while staring elsewhere. We generally like the single, AVAILABLE ones who look great while not looking at everything that moves. In fact, we are much more impressed by the ones who act like they have seen women before. Remember this and you may be lucky enough to not repulse a potential date tonight. That is all, good night.

Have a question? Contact Stephanie Glenn at sirenweb@aol.com , or visit her at StephanieGlenn.com