Volume 4, Issue 20
October 3 - 16, 2002
by Stephanie Glenn
Dear Stephanie,
I've been an avid reader of your very insightful column in Go-Go
for quite some time now. Recently I've encountered a problem that I
have never dealt with before. Eight months ago I met a beautiful and
intelligent woman, we hit it off immediately. She was just coming
out of a 9-year relationship and just wanted to be friends with benefits.
At the time I was thrilled because I was dating another woman and
a player lifestyle seemed like fun. I know now that I'm a one-woman
man. For about seven months we spent every second of free time we
had together. It was amazing, great conversations, incredible sex daily
and just an all-around good time. Last month we went on vacation
together and we both enjoyed ourselves tremendously. Since the trip,
everything has slowed down and I'm confused. She claims that she is
afraid to fall in love and she wants me to date other women. I'm lucky
if we have sex 3 times a week now and my heart aches when I don't see
her for over a day. I understand that she needs her independence and
I've never kept from doing anything, her independence is what attracted
me to her in the first place. I think I've fallen in love but I'm afraid I
might scare her away if I tell her how I feel. What should I do?
-- Confused and in love
Dear Confused,
It sounds like something happened on the trip to trip her out a bit.
If you feel that you have fallen in love with her, then I'm sure she can
tell and perhaps she feels her "friends with benefits" situation is turning into
something too serious. She may tell you she is afraid to fall in love, but
that is just an excuse for the fact that she is not in love and doesn't want
to hurt your feelings. The only time I tell a guy to date other women is
when I am not at all interested in anything more than what he offers
up on my physically needy evenings. I think you need to call her bluff
and do just what she asks. Date other women, even if you don' t want to.
I would also try and be unavailable for her for a while and see how she
responds to it. It could just be that you have made it too easy on her and
if you present a challenge she may become more interested. And please
don't complain about only getting it 3 times a week. You are already doing
better than most single people and probably way better than all married
people.
Dear Stephanie,
I'm a 28 year old straight male. And I'm a virgin. There are a
number of reasons for this, but it mostly boils down to social ineptitude.
I have plenty of friends, but with females it's always been
friends or nothing. I'm not asking for advice on how to overcome this,
because I know what the problem is: me. But I've been working on it and
have come a very long way. My biggest fear now is that if this dry spell comes to an end in
the hopefully not-too-distant future, I' m not sure how the lucky lady will
deal with it. It seems like telling her would be awkward at best, but if
I don't, she' ll probably be able to put two and two--actually zero and
zero--together. Would most women even want to deal with that level of inexperience?
Would telling someone send them running because of the weirdness
factor? And any other advice for an old first-timer? -- If Patience Is a Virtue, Then I'm Jesus
Dear Jesus,
I don't know how old you are, but chances are there is a woman out there who has fantasies about
having her way with a virgin boy toy. She will probably be older, very
experienced and just what you need to turn your lack of experience into
a faded memory. Don't worry about freaking her out with the truth of your
purity--that will only turn her on. In fact, really play up your innocence
and tell her what a good student you will be. She will teach you
everything you need to know and send you on your way. Then when
you do meet that lucky lady you will have enough mad skills to keep her
coming back for more.
Dear Stephanie,
Is there a certain way you are supposed to kiss someone? I was
told that you are supposed to swirl your tongue around in a circle. Is
that the way that everyone does it? I happen to thrust mine around
and around and then sometimes I stop and suck on his tongue. Is
that not right? I also go in a circle sometimes, but I have gotten out
of the habit. I like to lead the kisses. He says that he has never
been kissed like this before and that makes me feel inadequate and that
maybe I learned how to kiss the wrong way. Please help me. My self-esteem is suffering.
-- French Tickler
Dear French Tickler,
There is no formula to correct kissing. It is a highly personal taste
and no two guys are going to like the same thing. Where you are going
wrong is, first of all thinking there is a proper way to kiss and second
needing to take the lead. The best kissers are the ones who start slowly,
don't do anything with your tongue to begin with and pay attention to
what the other person is doing. Let them take the lead, and they will
show you how they like to be kissed. I can tell you that most people don't
appreciate having their faces swallowed and throats stabbed, and it
sounds like that is what you have been previously doing. Take it easy
the next time you guys make out and I'm sure you will get some positive
feedback from him.
Have a question? Contact Stephanie Glenn at sirenweb@aol.com , or visit her at StephanieGlenn.com
All Rights Reserved © 2002 Go Go Media, LLC, Denver, Colorado