Volume 4, Issue 14
July 11 - July 23, 2002
by Stephanie Glenn
Dear Stephanie,
About a year ago you had a
letter from someone who signed
"Puke Breath" and it was all about
the issue of nasty tasting sperm. I
am now in a situation very similar
and have been searching for this
information you gave. Could you
please reprint the article to help
all of us with flavor-challenged boyfriends?
--Aftertaste Blues
Dear Aftertaste Blues,
Of course I will re-run it--and
thanks for making my job so easy
this week! Here you go....
Stephanie,
I have a serious problem with
my boyfriend in the spunk department. To get right to the point, he
tastes worse than anything my poor
mouth has ever experienced. It is
rank and stale and goes from disgusting to totally gagging depending
on the day. I am not sure what
would cause such a thing, and as
an experienced swallower I have to
say that I am dumbfounded. Do you
know if this is a diet thing or if it
means he . s unhealthy or just plain
gross? I haven . t told him how I feel
yet, but it really makes me want to
keep his dick as far away from my
mouth as possible! --Puke Breath
Dear Puke Breath,
I did a little poking around on the whole ejaculate flavor issue and that juicy "stale semen" sideline. First of all, there seems to be a stunningly contradictory range of opinions as to whether dietary changes actually make a difference in flavor. I repeatedly found the infamous "no scientific evidence" statement, which simply means that no one in a white coat fed men different suspect foods and then, after a healthy circle jerk, collected said output (aka spunk) and, with a bib and spoon, sampled the many nuances of taste.
There did seem to be a general agreement on specific types of foods.--asparagus, veggies, garlic, and onion. I discovered in several places that dairy products have a really yucky (that's a technical term, you know) effect. So, it's not necessarily true that milk drinkers make better lovers--at least not when it comes to oral. There was another place that included meat and fish on the avoid list, claiming they give semen some- what of a buttery flavor. Can some- one pass me a muffin?
Now, as to the foods that have a much more positive effect, pineapple was way up there on everyone's list. Any diet high in fruits is preferable, especially kiwi, pineapple and watermelon. A couple of lists included celery and, interestingly enough, beer. Come to think of it, if you drink enough beer yourself, his funky spunk may not bother you as much.
I also came across something about exercise that I thought was interesting. There was a doctor who stated that semen is full of lactic acid. And as most of you know, working out raises lactic acid levels. . . so just imagine what all that pumping of iron does to what you will be pumping out of him later! That's right, pungent and bitter semen. Add a generous serving of sweat to the mixture and it makes lesbianism sound very inviting.
I even found a company who has done "extensive research" (I wonder if it included the bibs and spoons) and has developed an "all natural" product for men to take in powder form. Mix it with your favorite juice and miraculously enough, funky spunk becomes yummy cum. The stuff costs about $60 a month and they're supposed to take it every day. I guess that assumes they're getting oral on a daily basis. And apparently, just like spray-on hair and pet rocks, there must be a market for it.
Here is an idea for you to make the situation much more bearable. The next time you are giving him head, pop an Altoid in your mouth. Not only will the mint give you a wonderful and fresh taste, it will deliver him unbelievable tingles. Guys love it --and so will you when the moment of truth arrives and that hideous taste is camouflaged by curiously strong peppermint.
Have a question? Contact Stephanie Glenn at sirenweb@aol.com , or visit her
Also visit: StephanieGlenn.com
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