Dear Stephanie,
I realize a hot lady like you runs into men who blow their wads within
seconds, so I was hoping you could help me out with this issue. I don't
know why I get so excited so quickly, but I need to learn how to stay hard
longer. I heard there are physical tricks to keeping it up. Have you
heard of any? Why is it that some guys are able to go on and on forever
and the rest of us poor bastards are doomed to wham bam thank you
ma'am? --Quick Willie
Dear Quick Willie,
Although I have sympathy for your pain, you have to consider who
is really doomed in this situation and that is your partner. At least you are
being satisfied, short and sweet as it may be! There is help for you, but it
is going to require some practice.
First remember to focus on your breathing, the slower you breathe and
the more you pay attention to it, the less you will be inclined to finish.
Deep breathing calms your muscles, lowers the heart rate, blood pressure
and takes everything down a notch.
The main thing you have to identify: what is that point of no return? By the point of no return, I mean the
time when you really feel like you're going to go over the top. You want to really know that point for yourself and be familiar with the physical sensations so that you can stop just before it happens. What you might
want to do is really notice the sensations that happen leading up to it.
For instance, if you could put your sexual experience on a scale of 1-5,
a 5 being over the top and a 1 just barely aroused. Know when you're at
a 4 or a 4-1/ 2 and know exactly what the feelings or signals are just before
you get to that point of no return so that you can stop the movement and
back off.
Why are some men doomed with this? Here are a few reasons. . .
- Early Sexual Experiences. Some men have early sexual experience
that conditioned rapid responsiveness (such as masturbating quickly
to avoid getting caught by parents, visiting prostitutes, etc.) that still
persists.
- Low Arousal Levels or Low Sex Desire.
- Performance anxiety. This is anxiety that is activated in sexual situations creating a vicious cycle of performance pressures. Frequently this pattern is seen in new relationships, especially when men feel nervous or intimidated.
- Missing internal cues. Bernie Zilbergeld, PhD, who wrote The
New Male Sexuality interviewed men who could last a long time sexually
to discover their secrets. Unlike pre-mature ejaculators, these men were
better able to identify their point of "ejaculatory inevitability" (that
point where ejaculation cannot be stopped), and take corrective action
before that point is reached.
- Aggravated psychological factors such as guilt, fear, and past abuse.
Here are some more ideas to help the problem:
- The most common treatment of premature ejaculation is to become
more familiar with the feelings and sensations surrounding the time leading up to ejaculation. By learning to become
familiar with these sensations, a man can slowly learn how to predict when
the upcoming ejaculation will occur and gain more control over them.
Masturbation is a great way to know these feelings and learn how to control them. Rub out a few before having sex again.
- There is also a technique called the start/stop. This technique consists of a series of exercises starting with self-stimulation and ending with intercourse, to gradually increase ejaculatory control.
- Another is the squeeze technique. Originated by Masters and Johnson, the squeeze technique consists of similar exercises as in the "stop/start" technique, but ejaculation is controlled by applying pressure to the top and bottom of the penis.
- Variation of motion and thrusting. You can do this by slowing the tempo
of thrusting to make the sensations less intense and slow ejaculation. You
can also change the angle or depth of penile penetration to break the peak.
- Mind over matter. Men who suc-cessfully last a long time report that
they silently shift their fantasies or modify their self-talk to slow things
down a bit or to decrease anxiety (football, basketball, baseball). Also,
it is helpful for men to learn to focus more on the non-genital aspects of
the sexual experience to distribute sexual energy to other parts of the
body.
- A simple way to make the situation more satisfying for the woman is to
have oral sex first and make sure you get her off before you put your
overrapidly exploding tool anywhere near her.
Have a question? Contact Stephanie
Glenn at sirenweb@aol.com, or visit her
at: StephanieGlenn.com
All Rights Reserved © 2002 Go Go Media, LLC, Denver, Colorado
GO-GO *
ABOUT GO-GO *
BACK ISSUES *
MUSIC SAMPLER *
MEDIA REVIEWS *
LOCAL LINKS *
WEBCAMS *
RADIO & TELEVISION
